Random Conversations
by Pale-And-Preculure
Summary: Random Conversations... What more is there to say ? At the moment we have 41 Chapters Of Randomness and More to come... This story is Full of Silly Inuendo's Retarded Nickenames and Strange happenings...Who doesn't love a little Randomness?
1. 1 Silly Turtle

**Random Conversations**

**Chapter 1**

**Silly Turtle**

_The Cullens living room. Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward and Bella are sitting on the couch's. Emmett is laying in the middle of the living room legs and arms spred out belly up. Eye's closed_

_Italic Whispers,­_ Regular Talks, **Bold Yells**

Bella: Umm Edward...

Edward: Yes Bella ?

--Bella points to Emmett--

Bella: Should I ask ?

Rosalie: He's pretending he's sleeping he's always wanted to dream so he is pretending.

Jasper: Yeah And I am supposed to be making him feel sleepy.

Emmett: _m-m-m-mister t-t-turtle ?_

Alice: Rose ? I take pity on you. I wonder how you make it through the day --shakes head side to side--

Rosalie: Hmm ? What are you talking about.

Bella: Me to. how do you survive. I mean.. Besides the fact that you are--

--Rosalie starts to glare at Bella for mentioning the fact Rose is dead--

Alice: What I mean is... Rose I am sorry but--

Edward: Your husband is **Insane !**

Emmett: You silly turtle. --Starts giggiling--

--Rosalie Sighs. Bella Shutters--

Edward: Whats wrong Bella ?

Bella: Umm.. I.Don't.Exactly.Like.Turtles...

Jasper: (Sarcastically) Why did you fall in the turtle pit a the zoo ?

--Bella Blush's--

Rosalie: Are you Joking ?!

Emmett: Bad turtle.. Rawwrr to you to !

Rosalie: --Puts her head is her hands and Whisper _Oh dear god _--

Alice: You Fell into a turtle pit !!!

Bella: I was eight !

Alice: Leave it to Bella to make the most fun places dangerous.

Edward: --Kiss's Bella's forehead whille trying not to laugh.-- It's okay Love. They weren't snapping turtle were they ?

Bella: ...

Jasper: Oh sweet Lord !!! Where is a camera when you need one !

Edward: --Growls At Jasper-- **Stop Picturing it !**

Alice: BAHAHAHA ! Now Theres and Image

Edward: Alice.. --- Frightening Stare---

Emmett: Your such a naughty turtle --Spanking Motions--

Rosalie: ---Sighs---

Jasper: --Snickers-- And you married him... Why Again was that ?

Rosalie: Umm.. Ugh.. I don't.. really remember.

Edward: You know what's sad ? She really can't remeber. No sarcasm there. --Taps Temple--

Jasper: --Snort-- Check out Bella

Bella: --Eye's twitching while shakeing back and forth--

Edward: Bella ! Are you okay.

Bella: t-tuurrrttlee... ---Continue's shaking and twitching--

Jasper: She's not scared or sad... Or happy. She's in shock ...

---Funny gurgling sounds come from Bella---

Alice: Maybe We should slap her. Ya know, just so she'll snap out of it.

Edward: _One more word Alice._

Bella: I'm never going back there again.

Rosalie: What is she talking about.

Bella: **The ZOO !!! **I still have a scar...

Jasper: Cool lets see !

Edward: Shutup!

Bella: My **Mind ! **It's scarred my mind !

Jasper: Ugh !!! The feeling !

Alice: What honey?

Jasper: _Emmett_

Emmett: I'm married.. Well maybe. Don't tell Rose though.. --Giggles--

Jasper: **Thats it! this is to weird. I'm out.**

Edward: Me to. The Image is severially frightening.

_Everyone leave the room except Emmett. He is still "dreaming" on the floor. Rosalie Looks into devorce papers._

**A/N:** HAHA ! I though I'd just put the Rosalie thing. They don't really get devorced she just "Accidentally Leaves the papers out on the coffee table for Emmett to see. Well There is my first Random Conversation. More to come.


	2. 2 Wonderland

WonderLand!!!

_Alice Bella and Edward In Edwards room. Alice curled in a ball in Edwards Closet_

_Edward and Bella Cuddling on his bed_

**Bold Yell, **Regular Talk, _italics Whisper_

Edward: Alice, May I Ask you What you are Up to ?

Alice: What Does it look like Eddikinz ?

Edward: Never Call me that ever again

Bella: I think It's a Cute name

Edward: Cute Or not Cute it takes away from My manliness.

Bella: Oh Well, Suck it up Eddikinz. Alice what are you doing anyways ?

Alice: Why I am in Wonder Land of course.

Edward: Wonderland you say ?

Alice: Why yes, I do say.

Bella: What does It look like ?

Alice. Strange. Everything is Upside down.

Bella: ---Starts Giggiling--

Edward: Whats so Funny ?

Bella: I just realized. She is Alice in Wonderland. Literally

Alice: **Hellz Yeah !**

Bella: Oh Oh ! And Edward is The Mad Edward !

Edward: What ? The Mad Edward -- Raises Eyebrow---

Alice: Oh ! I get it. You know Eddie. LIke the Mad Hatter Cept the Mat Edward

Bella: Ooo And instead of the Cheshiere Cat it's the Cheshiere Dog. And When I say Dog I mean like. Dawg. Like. The Gangter life. Ya know ?

Edward: But what Is Bella ?

Alice: Well that is Quite obvious she is the Bella of hearts !

Bella: But I don't want to be Hearts..

Edward: How bout the Spades ?

Bella: Noo..

Alice: Wat bouts Diamonds

Bella No thats you Alice

Alice: --Giggles--

Edward: Clubs ?

Bella: No.. I'm Not feeling it.

Alice: **OH OH !!! I GOT IT !**

Edward: No.

Alice: Yes!

Edward: How bout... No !

Bella: **What !?**

Alice: The Bella of... Drumroll please. Edward !

Bella: **GENIUS !!!**

Alice: Thats what I do

Edward: ---Sighs---

Bella: Awwe Eddikinz. Don't look so Sad.

Alice: We Obviously know who wear the Pants in this Relationship

Edward: ---Growls---

Bella: Calm down.. Tis true though

Alice: Is somebody Whipped ?

Edward: I am not Whipped.


	3. 3 Whipped !

**A/N:** This is Wonderland Continued. On the whole whipped thing. I though it was funny and the Tale Just told itself

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

Whipped !

---Edward Stalks out of the room and goes down stairs. Sits in the living room with Jasper and Emmett while pouting---

Emmett: What the Hell happened to you.

Jasper: Yeah You look like crap. And feel Embarassed ?

Emmett: Ha ! What the Hell did they do to you ?

Edward: It's nothing.

Jasper: Yeah right it's nothing. Did Bella say somtihng about Jacob

Edward: No

Emmett: Give it up. Something happened

Jasper: Edward, Tell us or we will just go ask Alice and Bella. Which They will proabably extent the truth so you sound like even more of

the Whimp you are.

Edward: I'd rather not

Jasper: Man, You are killing me. You are making me feel embarassed for no Reason !

Emmett: Man I havn't seen you like this since Esme found your collection of Holiday Barbies

Edward: Shut Up man, Those are ganna be worth somthing someday!

Emmett: Sure they will

Jasper: Ali--

Edward: **Fine!**

Emmett: Jesus take you long enough

Edward: _Am I whipped ?_

--Jasper and Emmett Burst out laughing and Emmett is laughing so hard he started choking on his tounge--

Edward: What Is that supposed to mean ?!

Jasper: You are SOO Whipped

Emmett: All the way

Edward: You are one to talk Emmett ! You cower in a corner everytime Rosalie looks at you.

Emmett: Oh man, That is fear. Not being Whipped. You are like melted Butter when it comes to Bella

Jasper: 100 Dude. You are screwed once you get Married.

Edward: I am no THAT Bad.

---Emmett and Jasper Look at each other---

Both: Yes you are.

Edward: ...

Jasper: Whenever Bella enters the room, You will gets crumpled into Dust. It's actualy quite Sad

Emmett: There is a Fine line between being Whipped and Being Loyal

Jasper: You Co-operate with a Werewolf For her

Emmett: Yeah No Normal Per.. Vampire Does that. Even for their Mate

Edward: --Sighs-- I guess it's to late to get out of it

Jasper: Oh Deffinatly, You are in Past your head.

Emmett: Edward?

Edward: What !

Emmett I was just kinda Wondering if. Um.. I could play with Barbie 2003.

Edward: --Growls-- You tuch her You Die !


	4. 4 Ikinz

**Bold Yells,** Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

Ikinz

-- Edward Jasper and Emmett Are sitting in the living room watching wrestle Mania. Bella and Alice Come running from Upstairs.--

Bella: Oh Eddikinz ?!?!

Jasper: Eddikinz ?

Edward: Just Shutup Jasper

Alice: Hey! Don't tell my Jazzikinz to shutup.

Emmett: --Snickers--

Edward: Oh I wouldn't be laughing They have a name for you to.

Bella: Emmikinzikinz

Jasper: Wait Wait Wait... Why does he get two Ikinz ?

Alice: Because It's just.. Just..

Bella: **Don't question our Power !**

Edward: Bella.. Really Why Does he get two Ikinz

Alice: Because He's Emmett.

Edward: And I am Edward !

Jasper: --Stands Up-- Are we Not Emmett Enough for you ?

Bella: No you arn't !

Emmett: Hahaha.. I get two Ikinz

Edward: Bella ? Can I have two Ikinz ?

Bella: Let me consult Alicikinzikinzkinz.

Alice: Lets go

--Girls Are consulting. Boys are Fighting in the livingroom--

Edward:How come you Get two Ikinz !

Jasper: Yeah whats so Specail about you !

Emmett: Well they clearly Said I am just. Emmett.

Jasper: So ! **I AM JASPER !**

Edward: **I AM EDWARD !**

Emmett: Pshh You guys are just jelous your Fiance and Wife gave me two Ikinz

Jasper: Ya know what. Just Shutup. **Just just Shutup**.

Emmett: Jelou--

Jasper: No, **No**.. Shutup

Emmett: You kn--

Jasper: Uh uh.. I don't think you herd me Shut up

Emmett: You do--

Jasper: _No. No. Shhh_

Emmett: you coul-

Jasper: _Shhh...Shh..._

Emmett: Get a Li--

Jasper: _Hushh.._

Edward: **JESUS**! You both Shutup.

Emmett: --Sticks tounge out at Jasper--

Edward: Eh ! What did I just say ?

Emmett: To Shutup.. But ! I just stuck my tounge out thats all.

Edward. But ! You just Talked by telling me what you did. Is that true ?

Emmett: .. . . . .

Jasper: --snickers in mind--

Edward: Hey ! No mind laughing either.

--Girls Come Back---

Bella: Nope Sorry Eddikinz.

Alice: Only Emmikinzkinz Can have two Ikinz.

Edward: --Growls--


	5. 5 My Pen Is Huge

My Pen is Huge

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whisper._

--Bella and Alice Return From a Shopping Trip with a michevious Look on their face. Edward and Emmett are Playing The Sims on their Laptop--

Bella: Oh Eddikinz ?

Edward: --Sighs In mind says "Why just one Ikinz ?"-- Yes Bella ?

Bella: I have a surprise for you !

Emmett: Get the Hell out of here man. Your ganna be scarred for life. **Run !** I will save myself.

Edward: Shutup Emmikinzkinz.

--Emmett Smirks while Edward goes to Meet Bella and Alice in Alice's room--

--In Alice's room--

Alice: We were shopping in Wearhouse One for Bella and--

Edward: You are aware I have No idea what or where Wearhouse One is.

Bella: It's A strip Joint.

Alice: Yep We ordered One for you.

Edward: --Silience, Completely Still--

Bella: A Male... Stripper.

Edward: --More Sillence--

Alice: His Name is Orlando. Orlando Roundabout.

Edward: O-o-o-or-rl-l-ando ?

Bella: Yep, he'll be here at 7:30

Alice: Ooops Thats now. Better go. You just wait in your room Eddikinz, Orlando Will be right up.

Edward: Please **NO !**

--Alice and Bella Burst out laughing--

Alice: We..Got... Him So bad... He ... Didn't.. Even... Realize what I ... Was ... Thinking !

Bella: Jesus Edward Unclench. It was a joke

Edward: **SOOO Not funny**

Alice. On the contrary it was very Funny. Just it was at your expense

Bella: But We did get you a shirt

Edward: Please let it says Anything but Orlando Rounabout

Alice: Anything?

Edward: Anything. As long as it doesn't say that I will wear It everyday It is clean.

Bella: Promise?

Edward: Yes.. Why ? Uh -Oh What did I just promise. Alice is Blocking her thoughts.

--Alice pulled out a white Shirt that Read--

My

(pen is)

Huge

Edward: --To the Sky-- **What did I do to deserve this ?**

Alice: You promised. Go Change.

Bella: I knew you'd love it. --giggles--

Edward: I will never wear that.

Alice: Oh. I think You will. I know exactly when you will run so don't even try it.

Edward: Crap

Bella: Hey ! Atleast it doesn't say Orlando Roundabout

Edward: Whatever

--Two seconds later Edward comes out of Alice's Closet With the Shirt--

Alice: Now lets go Show Emmikinzkinz.

Edward: Shut **UP !**

Bella: Edward Don't mean. Say Sorry

Edward: Sorry Alice --In Mind :O! I Am Whipped Nooo !--

Alice: CoughWhippedCough

Bella: --Giggles--

Edward: Enough jokes at my expense.

--Down Stairs. Everyone is Home and sitting around to kitchen table talking--

Emmett: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OH MY GOD !!! THAT IS HALARIOUS !!!**

Edward: Shut up Emmett !

Rosalie: Jesus Edward.

Esme: Oh my

Carlisle: Wow Edward.. Er.

Jasper: Wow ! Me too except I don't wear it on my shirt !

Alice: --Giggles at what Jasper said--

Edward: **At Least it doesn't Say Orlando Roundabout !!! **---Runs Upstairs--

Jasper: Do I want to know ?


	6. 6 Pick up the Dime

**A/N:** Ahaha. This Happened to me and My friend once. And Oh My god. We were literally on the street corner for 25 minutes

Pick up the Dime

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

_Italics Underlined Mimicking_

--Jasper and Emmett Walking from the Mall and Suddenlyy... Drum roll Please.."

Jasper: **What the Hell Emmett ! You just Dropped the Dime !**

Emmett: Oh Well Pick it up.

Jasper: No you pick it up. Your the one who dropped it.

Emmett: Well We don't have time for me to pick it up I think you should

Jasper: No.. No. You Dropped it now Pick it up.

Emmett: Well If you pick it up you can have it.

Jasper: What if I don't want it.

Emmett: But You Need It

Jasper: What would I need that dime for. It's only ten cents. My Wife Can make millions of dollars in the stock markets. Why would I

need a Dime?

Emmett: Don't question me!

Jasper: Emmett Just pick up the Freakin Dime

Emmett: No. No. I'm not in the Mood for this Jasper, _Pick up the dime_

Jasper: Your Not in the mood ? When You are in the Mood I am in the mood. When you arn't in the mood i'm not so don't _"I'm not in _

_the mood Jasper" _ Me.

Emmett: I don't Care. I really think You should Suck it up and Pick it up.

Jasper: Suck it up ? Did you seriously Just say Suck it up and Pick up the Dime. Be a Man !!!

Emmett: I am more man than you know !

Jasper: Yeah right.

Emmett: Do you need me to prove it to you right on the street?

Jasper: I don't think I need to see it Emmett. I know you are a tick-tack

Emmett: You know Nothing !

Jasper: What ever Just pick up the Dime Emmett You know you want to

Emmett: I Do **NOT** Want to pick up the stupid dime.

Jasper: _Did you just dis the Dime_

Emmett: I think I did

Jasper: Oh Now it's on !

Emmett: Bring it bitch

Jasper: Don't call me no Bitch you ain't shit.

Emmett: You just copied that from Scary Movie 4

Jasper: Did you have a point ?

Emmett: Why Yes. My point was PICK UP THE DIME!

Jasper: I really think you should.

Emmett: But you really Need it

Jasper No.. No.. I think you should have it

Emmett: But what really is there to do with a Dime on Forks ?

Jasper: You could get 2 Pixi Stix!

Emmett: No. I won't fall for it.

Jasper. Oh Well Worth a Try.

Emmett: Please.. Just Pick it up.

Jasper: Okay I got one. Would you rather pick up the Soap or the Dime ?

Emmett: You are Cruel

Jasper: That I am.. That I Am..

Emmett: Please. I mean really just pi--

Jasper: No! No.. We have been over his a thousand times.. Pick it up.

Emmett: Na-uh. I will never pick up the dime.

Jasper: --Sends Emotion to Emmett--

Emmett: No cheating !

Jasper: Awwe Fine

Emmett: Please Just.. Just _bend over and pick it up._

Jasper: And right there is why I won't

Emmett: What ?

Jasper: There is someone in the Car behind me.

Emmett: Your point is? How is this proventing you from picking up my dime ?

Jasper: YOUR Dime ?

Emmett: Yes My Dime I am the one who dropped it so. Yes My dime

Jasper: Exactly Why you are not fit to own it. You dropped it and therefore Abusing it

Emmett: Are you trying to say that it is Your dime ?

Jasper: Yes I am

Emmett: Pick it up then if it's yours.

Jasper: No I am not going to pick it up.

Emmett: Should we just leave it then ?

Jasper: No.. We can't just leave it here

Emmett: Pick it up Jasper

Jasper: No. I will not pick up the Dime.

Emmett: But !!! I Am Emmikinzikinz

Jasper: ... Touche...

--Jasper Slowing bends over and Picks up the dime while glaring at Emmett--


	7. 7 Charlie the Unicorn

**A/N: **If you havn't seen Charlie the Unicorn on you tube yet Go shoot yourself in the foot. Then Watch Charlie the Unicorn Then Read this Chapter or else you will be very Lost. Heres the Link: TeeHee.. I am Obsessed With Charlie the Unicorn. I though I'd just say that.

Charlie the Unicorn

**Bold Yells,** Regular Talks _Italics Whisper_

--Emmett Bella and Angela At the Town Of Forks Hockey Game. Everyone Else is Hunting. Emmett Never Gets to hang out with Bella by himself (Eddikinz Has always been jelous and Emmetts ikinzikinzness) So She invited him to come with her and Angela to the Hockey. Angela has a Broken arm. Bella keeps giggling and humming somthing to herself --

Bella: Lets Go on an Adventurrrree !! Were going on an Adventurrrree !!!

Angela: Is she usually like this ?

Emmett: Nope it's usually Me

Bella: A MAGICAL LEOPLURALDON!!!

Angela: Whats a Leopluroldon ?

Bella: He will Guide our Way to Candy Mountain !

Emmett: Say what ?

Bella: Shunn.. The non-Believer ! Shunnnn . . .

Angela: Oh dear

Bella: Candy Mountain! You Fill me with Sweet Sugary Good-nesssss

Emmett: What The **HELL!!!**

Angela: Tell where Candy Mountain is !

Emmett: Yeah. And whats on that note ?

Bella: Here You can read it. Then We Will Go into the Candy Mountain Cave. All the magical Wonderrrs that will behollldddd us when

you Entterrr..

--Angela Opens Note with one Hand--

Bella: Angela ! You opened it with one hand !

Emmett: I could eat that with one hand . . .

--Angela and Bella Stare at Him--

Angela. Oh Dear.

Emmett: What does it Say ?!?!

Bella: Let Me read it ! Oh When your down and looking for some cheering up then just head right on up to the Candymountain cave

When you get inside you'll find yourself in cheery land such a happy and joyful and Perky merry land. They've got lollipops and gummy

drops and candy things oh so many things that will brighten up your day it's impossible to wear a frown in Candy town it's the mecca of

Love the Candy cave. We've got Jellybeans and cocoanuts with little hats candy rats chocolate rats it's a wonderland of sweets ride the

candy train accross the town and see the candy band it's a treat as they march accross the land. Turn around hear that sound? it's a

dancing candy tree in candy town the imagination runs so Free So charlie would you please go into the cave.

--Blank looks from Angela and Emmett--

Emmett: Where did you get that crap ?

Bella: --Flashback, Last night she was on her computer on youtube Looking at Charlie the unicorn she watched it 15 times then feel

asleep after downloading a charlie the Unicorn Screen saver and going to photobucket and saving any picture of him they had.--

Angela: Who is Charlie ?

Bella: The Unicorn Silly.

Angela: Well yeah But.. What the hell ?

Emmett: You are SOO Showing me that after the hocky game

Bella: Of course I will ! I will show Eddikinz and Jazzikinz to. And Possibly Alicikinzikinziknz.

Angela: -Looks at Emmett- Do I want to know ?

Emmett: It's a long story. -Flash Back to enitire chapter 4."Ikinz"-

Bella: That it is Emmikinzikinz

Angela: That song it catchy.

Bella: I know ! I Love it.

Emmett: But.. Whats a Leoplurodon though ?

Bella: Just wait and see... Just wait and See..

--Angela and Emmett Run Away as fast as "Humanly" Possible--


	8. 8 Mouse vs Reindeer

**A/N: **This Happened to my friend and her mom once. It was very entertaining.

Reindeer vs. Mouse

**Bold Yells,** Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--Christmas Eve, Alice and Emmett are decorating the Tree. Bella and Jasper are watching. Rosalie and Edward in the garage finding more decorations. Carlisle and Esme are In the Kicthen and Esme is _Attempting_ to make Cookies for Bella. Christmas Music is wafting through the house.--

Alice: Emmett will you hand me that star ?

Bella: Tell me again why the themed colors are Blue and white ?

Alice: becuase those Colors are in

Jasper: Why are we docorating though

Emmett: Even I can answer that one. Becuase it's Christmas !

Alice: Exactly. Yeesh Jasper you sure are out of spirit

Jasper: Ba humbug !

Alice: I'll be right back, I have to go get one more role of garland that back is looking bare. Don't Tuch the Tree Emmett ! Only

Alicikinzikinzikinz ornaments are alloud on the tree.

--Alice Runs into the garage. While she is Gone Emmett Runs upstairs as fast as he can. and Comes back with somthing red and Blue. He plucks it on the tree quickly.--

Jasper: I wouldn't do that Emmett.

Emmett: And why not ?

Jasper: Becuase I don't want to have to defend Alice from Rosalie when after Alice kills you.

Bella: Yeah. And then if Jasper got passed and Alice was dead Edward would start freaking out becuase he wouldn't be able to see if I

was going to die and He would be running around the house all PMSyish.

Edward: **HEY ! I can hear you still out here.**

Bella: **Sorry Eddikinz !**

Edward --Mutters somthing about only One Ikinz and Emmett then curses--

Emmett: I got two ! Haha

Jasper: Shut up.

--Alice comes back--

Alice: --Her face very stern through her teeth she says-- What the hell is that.

Emmett: What does it look like ? It's a christmas mouse.

Bella:_ So thats what it is._

Jasper: --Looks at Bella--

Alice: Well Obviously it's a fricken Christmas Mouse! What the hell is it doing on my Tree ?

Emmett: Oh, Un-clench it has blue.

Alice: It has red to.

Emmett: So does your Reindeer.

Alice: That is different.

Emmett: How ? Care to explain ?

Alice: Because, The Padding of the Reindeer is Blue and The Collar is red.

Emmett: Your Point ? My mouse has a Red shirt and Blue fur.

Alice: Well Your mouse isn't very Christmassyish!

Emmett: It is to ! It has Red and...

Alice: And ? Red is Used on Valentines Day to ! It could have been On a Flipping Valentines Day Tree !!!

Jasper: Valentines Day tree ?

Alice: Shut up Jasper. Your not in this

Jasper: Frightened whimper.

Emmett: And how is your Reindeer Chismassyish ?

Alice: Do you listen to yourself when you talk ? **They Carry Santa around to give gifts the The little CHILDREN !!!**

--Edward Enters room, leans down and whispers to Bella--

Edward: _Would you like to go out for Dinner, Love ? I'm all finished here. _

Bella: _Shhhh This is getting good._

Emmett: My mouse Owns this tree. It is Nothing compared to your reindeer.

Alice: How Dare you !!! This is MY Tree.

Emmett: What if Bella put the Christmas Mouse on the Tree Huh ?

Bella: Hey, Leave Me out of this !

Alice: I would Obviously Let her.

Emmett: And why is this ?

Alice: Because If she put it on the tree that means she is helping me decorate. And we all know what A challenge it is to get Bella to

Help decorate for anything. And If I told her it coudln't be on the tree, Then she might feel discuraged and never help again.

Emmett: Oh Bella ? Would you come here for a second ?

Edward: You are an Evil Genius.

Bella: Yes ?

Emmett: Please step over here for a moment.

Alice: You wouldn't Dare.

Emmett: It's sad how little you know me.

Alice: Bella If you Love me. Don't listen to Emmett

Emmett: I won't tease you For 1 month starting tonight.

Bella: Deal!

Edward: --Snickering--

--Bella Walks to up to Emmett, Emmett takes off the Mouse and Gives it to Bella. Bella puts it Back wear it was just a moment ago.--

Alice: No fair !

Emmett: Merry Christmas to you to.


	9. 9 Oi Con Towlk Con Yoo ?

Oi Con Towlk Con yoo ?

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics whispers_

--Alice Bella and Emmett In the Dining room and Carlisle doing going through his medical Bag in the Kitch--

Alice: --Whispers somthing to Bella

Bella: Huh I never realized that before. Oh Carlisle ?

Carlisle: Yes Bella ?

Bella: I never Realized it but you have an Accent.

Carlisle: Why yes I do. It's from England, as you know I was born in England

Bella: That is Sooo Cool.

**A/N:** If anything from here on is spelld funny it's becuase thats how the characters are pronouncing it. Just like the title

Emmett: Thots roite Cawlisle.

Alice: That is an awful atempt and an English accent

Emmett: Like you could do better

Alice: Whoi octtually I con.

Bella: Tis true Emmikinzikinz. She is better.

Emmett: Well lets hear yours then.

Alice: Yeah Bella. I want to hear it

Bella: Oi Don't think thot is veray necassawry.

Emmett: Wow.

Carlisle: Bravo Bella!

Bella: Thonk Thonk yoo veray mooch

Alice: Haha. Yoo rowlk at English Occents.

Emmett: Did Yoo now thot in england they cowll condy sweets ?

Carlisle: Thats correct Emmett

Alice: Ooo Ooo, Ond in Conoda they coll Condy bars Chocolate baws.

Bella: Ond in Conoda thawy olso coll sowda pop.

Emmett: Veray strawnge.

Alice: Veray strawnge indeed Emmett

Bella: with Thayse new English Occents Oi Feel Loike twidiling a moostache.

Emmett: Whot a strawnge crayving.

Alice: Soomtoimes I get thowt crayving even when Oi'm noot pretending to hove an English Occent.

--Emmett Bella and Carlisle stare at Bella--

Alice: Woot ?

Bella: Neva Moind Olicikinzikinzikinz

Alice: Pleyase Tell may.

Emmett: Yoi Need Help

Carlisle: I think All three of you need help. You are just sitting there pretending to Have English Accents ?

Emmett: Did Yoi Hove a Powint ?

**A/N:**Yeah I know that chapter sucked pretty badly. Oh well. Reveiw Please. . .You know you want to.


	10. 10 Sugalooms

Sugalooms !!!

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--- In the baseball Clearing The whole family is about to Play Baseball. They are divided into two teams. Emmett, Alice, Bella and Jasper

And the other team is Rosalie, Edward, Esme and Carlisle. Bella isn't really playing she just wanted to be on a team so she wasn't left out. They are in huddles now ---

Emmett: Soo We need a Team name.

Alice: Hmm Macaronie and Cheese.

Jasper: --Raises Eyebrow to Alice--

Alice: Whatever Don't question my awsome power to create names Jazzikinz. Accent in the one Ikinz

Jasper: Hmph.

Bella: Bella and her Vampire army. Muhaha !

Emmett: We are trying to figure out a team name not take over the world Bella.

Bella: Some day Bella... Someday ...

Jasper: How bout Like.. Blood lusts... Mmm

Alice: Jasper ! Thats not helping yourself.

Emmett: I Got It !!!

Bella: What ?

Emmett: The SUGALOOMS !!!

Jasper: Are you insane ?

Alice: Shweetness !

Bella: It's a bit strange but at the same time. Awsome !

Jasper: Ugh Fine.

Emmett: Da Doing Doing Doing --Hums in tune of Ass like that by Eminiem--

Alice: HA ! That is the best song ever Invented

--Other teams Huddle--

Edward: **MY MIND !!! EMMETT !!!**

Esme: What is he doing ?

Edward: Ugh ! **THE PAIN!! **Rosalie **DO SOMTHING !**

Rosalie I will once you tell me!

Edward: Get him to Stop singing The song Ugh!!!

Carlisle: What Song ?

Edward: Ass like that! Ugh.. My Mind. **It's SCARRED !!!**

--Sugalooms Huddle--

Bella: I love that song. I first herd it on much music. The Video is a bit disturbing.

Jasper: Fuck Rites it is ! Puppets !

Alice: I thought It was halrious

--Edward in the distance "**MAKE THE IMAGE STOP!!!"** --

Emmett: Haha ! Aparently Eddikinz Doesn't like My eminem.

Bella: -Sighs-- He HATES it. You have no Idea.

Alice: --Blank look-- Emmett I would stop or else Edward is going to come over here and choke you.

Emmett: Loads of good that will do.

Bella: --Glares at Emmett Dangerously--

Emmett: Alright, Alright.

Carlisle: **Batter Up !**

Sugalooms: _One two three _**SUGALOOMS !!!**

--Later in Bella's room Edward and her are sitting on her bed--

Edward: _Make my pee pee Go. Da Doing Doing Doing_

Bella: Edward ! You were singing The song !

Edward: **Noo ! MY MIND IS TAINTED FOR GOOD !!!**


	11. 11 YOUR A HOOKER !

**A/N: **The last bit is from Stick man on Crack Three Which by the way rocks almost as much as charlie the Unicorn.

_YOUR_ A HOOKER !!!

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--Carlisle by himself, in his Study, looking over his Bank account--

Carlisle: **ALICE !!! HERE ! NOW !**

Alice: --Enters room-- What did I do ?

Carlisle: Did you spend all our money on shopping --growling noises--

Alice: No.. I havn't shopped in 3 Days ! Remember I bought Eddikinz that Pen shirt. --Laughs--

Carlise: Oh yeah. **EDWARD !!!**

Edward: --Enters Room. No it wasn't me. Last sports car Or anything vehicle for that matter was a small mototcycle. You may want to ask Rosalie though. She recently bought a Mercedez-Benz SL 600 and remodeled it quite a bit. It drives real fast.. I Hope she lets me try it . .Black leather interior... Still has the new car smell.. Yummy...

Alice: Edward ! Focus.

Edward:Sorry.

Rosalie: Don't try to blame this on me Edward. I herd you guys fighting from upstairs. And No. My new mercedez didn't cost all That much. And just for that Edward. No. You don't get to ride in it. --Leaves room--

Edward: ---Follows her--- Please ? But , but... I'll make you a deal.. --Voice Fades out--

Carlisle: Lets go ask Jasper

Alice: okay !

--In Jaspers Study. He is reading--

Jasper: Hey guys. Is somthing wrong usually people know not to bug me in my study. Wow !!! Tense Enough attmosphere ?

Carlisle: Some one spent all our bank account. Have you bought anything recently on ... whatever it is you do in here all the time ?

Jasper: No, Not me, Ask Esme She may know somthing.

--In Kitchen Alice Edward Rosalie And Carlisle go to Talk to Esme--

Esme: Why, Hello darling. Is somthing the matter ?

Carlisle: All Our money is gone from our bank account.

Esme: Oh Dear ! I don't know anything. However will we get it back?

Alice: I have an Idea...

Edward: You Are Evil

Rosalie: What is it ?

Alice: Stock Markets !!!

Carlisle: Brilliant Idea ! Go into my study, you can use my Laptop. Have fun.

Alice: Oh I will ! --Runs off Gigiling.

Edward: There is only one more person left.

Rosalie: --Stiff lips-- Emmett.

--An hour later, All the Cullens are seated around the Dining table waiting On Emmett to come back from hunting--

Emmett: --Walks through Door-- Hey Guys ! ... Is somthing wrong ?

Jasper: You tell us.

Rosalie: ---Remains sillent Glaring at him Teeth bared---

Emmett: What Are you guys talking about ?

Carlisle: All our money is gone.

Emmett: I don't know what you are talking about. --Avoids everyone's Eyes--

Alice: Don't Lie ! I found your "Awsome Emmett Things I must do before I Die. Either that Or Rosalie shatters My Brain List"

--The List--

"Awsome Emmett Things I must do Before I Die. Either that Or Rosalie shatters My Brain List"

1. Buy Peru

2. Buy 100,000 Moon Bounces

3. Hire People to Clear Peru Out of Everything

4. Fill Peru with MoonBounces. (If There is still spave left Buy More.)

5. Build A GIGANTIC House is some unknown land for all people who I had to kick out of Peru (Never Let others know I care)

6.Build and Army Of Vampire Dogs.

7. Release Dogs on Volturi

8. See how many Volturi Survive.

9. Take bets on How many survive With Jasper and Edward.

10. Make sure they don't use Alice to cheat

11. After finished with Vampire Dogs and Volturi release Dogs into Moonbouncia. (Old Peru)

12. Play Dodge Ball in the snow.

Emmett: I havn't Completed any of those goals Yet ! But Someday. Believe Me. **SOMEDAY I WILL !!!**

Esme: Please Tell us Emmett, If you have a problem we can help you --Motherly Look. Makes Emmett Feel Guilty--

Emmett: --Sobs-- I ... I Love them So Much !!!

Rosalie: --Eyes Narrow to Slits, Lips in a tight line, Strange hissing sounds Coming from her mouth--

Carlisle: Love Who ?

Emmett: --Sobbing Still-- The Girls at Madame Bloodina Bluebelts Acamdemy.

Jasper: Your Spending All our money on Fillipino Hookers ?

Emmett: They're No Hookers !!! They're Massage Therapists.

--FlashBack--

Random Guy who is Dressed Like A Girl: I'll Massage Your Cock For money.

--End FlashBack--

Edward: --Sees Everything Emmett Just remembered-- There's a word for that I think it's Hooker

Emmett: --Jumps from his seat and Points at Edward-- _**YOUR**_** A HOOKER !!!**

**A/N: **HAHAHAHA!!! I Looovvee Stick man On crack. The whole Hooker thing was from it. Rosalie's Consiquens's (SP ?) Was that

She didn't have sex with him for like a 5 Months. That was like HELL For Emmett. Ahaha.. My Goal is 20 Reveiws.. So I don't care what you tell me. Just say somthing. You could say.. I have blue Socks on today for all I care. I just Want to see your reveiws. They Make me smile :)


	12. 12 Tease

**A/N:** I'd like to Thank shea-aeront for giving me an idea that started this chapter.

Tease --Glares--

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whisper_

--Edward and Jasper are in the Living playing Dance Dance Revolution. . . Remodleld. The original is to easy for them, Alice Walks smiling. Edward is up. He is Dancing while Alice comes in--

Edward: Hey Alice, You were shopping I see.

Alice: Yep, Got somthing for Bella to.

Edward: Oh Really What ? Does it look good on her ?

Alice: ---Remembers Bella, They were trying on Lengire, She bought a Cute Bra and Panty Set, Dark Blue with Black lining, The Panties were mostly Lace But thick lace -- Oh yeah. --Smirks, and Runs upstairs--

Edward: --Freezes In his Spot, at the sight of what Bella bought. Doens't Move until Jasper Gets up and Push's him over.

Jasper: Dude, What did she buy.

--They Both get up and sit down on the couch--

Jasper:...Oh.. --Observes "ALL" Of Edward and His feelings.--

Edward: --Glares at Jasper--

Jasper: So you still havn't sealed the deal yet Eh ?

Edward: Shutup, We are waiting Until after the wedding.

Jasper: Course you are. Well. You are, Bella Can't wait. Jesus everytime you guys spend the night together Her emotions are like a Litle kid right before they open their Christmas Present. Excited and Annoyed. Then When You tell her no, She is as sad as a Kid when they find out their is no Santa

Edward: She so isn't

Jasper: Pshh, I am the closest to reading her mind in this house. You've seen the disapointment.

Edward: So ?

Jasper: Just DO IT! I know how you feel looking at her through Alice's thoughts. You want her just as Bad as She wants you.

--Emmett Runs Down the stairs and jumps over the Side of the couch and Plops down right beside Jasper--

Emmett: --Scoffs-- Whats up Edward ?

Edward: Nothing

Emmett: You sure bout that --Points down--

Edward: --Looks Down quickly (If he could blush he would have) Grabs Pillow and Puts in on his Lap--

Jasper: We were just discussing that.

Emmett: What the fact that he is 106 and is still a Virgin ?

Jasper: Yep, Exactly that

Edward: Shutup

Emmett: Haha ! Your such a Loser, I'm Surprised Bella Hasn't raped you yet, Haha

Jasper: See ! I'm not the only one who thinks that Edward.

Edward: Who else does ?

Jasper: Everyone.

Edward: Everyone ?

Emmett: Yes That everyone, The everyone that includes Esme.

Edward: I Highly doubt it.

Jasper: Psh, Ask her

Edward I am not just going to Ask her right out of the Blue "Do you think I'm stupid for not nailing my Girl Friend Yet?"

Emmett: That's what I would Do.

Jasper: Yeah.. What YOU Would do.

Alice: Hey Guys. Bella is Coming over and we are All going out for a Movie In Port Angeles.

Emmett: Jesus ! Don't Fricken Scare Me like that anymore ! Your come from Nowhere I swear To god.

Jasper: Hey Alice.. What was that outfit You and Bella picked out again ?

Alice: A Pantie and Bra outfit.

Edward: No fair.

Jasper: And How did It fit ?

Alice: --Giggles-- Very tight.

Edward: Stop it.

Emmett: --Uncontrolable laughter---

Jasper: Where would she most likly use this outfit ?

Alice: Oh I've already "Seen" Where she will use this outfit --Vision Of Bella and Edward.. Yeah.. 'Nuff Said ;) --

Edward: --He see's the vision she had, and press's down on the pillow--

Jasper: Do you think Edward will like this plan ?

Alice: I know he does. And I don't need a vision to see that.

Edward: STOP IT !

--Loud Truck stop outside Alice leaves House ot go wait with Bella--

Emmett: HAHA ! Was it tingily ?

Edward: One more word. And I will rip off your head.

Emmett: With your hands ?

Jasper: It feels good doesn't it Edward?

Edward: **SHUTUP !!!**

Alice: **Guys, Were waiting !**

Edward: **I'm Coming !**

--Jasper and Emmett Simultaniously Burst out in laughter, And fall on the ground.--

**A/N:** Hey Guys Hoep you like. Don't forget to reveiw. And if you have any idea's don't hesiate to let me know! I am literally working on one story Right now !


	13. 13 DODGE BALL !

DODGE BALL!!!

**Bold Yells, ** Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--Bella and Edward cuddling on The bed. Then Emmett Burts in loudly--

Edward: What the Hell do you want ?

Emmett: **OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD !!!**

Bella: Rosalie Stole your cow !

Emmett: No !

Edward: You bought Peru.

Emmett: No, Don't guess you'll ruin it.

Bella: What is it then ?

Emmett: **IT"S SNOWING !!!  
**Bella: Is it ?

Emmett: Yes You naughty donkey !

Bella: Damn It Emmikinikinz !

Edward:--Curse's under his breath --

Emmett: What ?

Bella: I hate Snow !

Emmett: --Like Borat-- Whaatt ???

Edward: Yes. Thats right Now Leave !

Emmett: But.. But.. --Sad Face--

Bella: No fair. Your cheating, you Silly kangaroo.

Edward: Okay whats up with the Animal nicknames ?

Bella: Oh, me and Alice decided They were cool today. Hmm. . Did you miss the memo ?  
Edward: Apparently.

Emmett: C'mon Guys ! I wanna go play dodge ball.

Bella: --A "wtf" look on her face-- In the Snow ?

Emmett: Yes, young confused garaffe. It's on my goal member ?

Edward: Yeah.. I guess it was.

Emmett: Lets go then !

Bella: Fine.

Emmett: I'll go get everyone else. Edward Bella. You have to be on the same team while everyone else is against each other. Well. yeah. Edward will have to carry You Bella.

Bella: _What ?_

Edward: I'll explain it downstairs.

--Downstairs in the Living room everyone is Seated. Even Esme and Carlisle--

Emmett: Okay Listen up you lovely penguins. We will be playing snow Dodge Ball you know the Drill right ?

Esme: The Snow flakes are the balls right ?

Emmett: Congratulations you Corrupted monkey.

Carlisle: How many lives do we have ?

Emmett: 3 ... Edward and Bella have 6 becuase they are 2 people and have to go slower.

Jasper: What are the Consiquences ? (SP?)

Emmett: Okay if you are out you Rasscally flamingo's Have to.. eat 3 grapes.

Bella: Thats all ?

Emmett: Oh! And Bella must not watch Charlie the Unicorn for the rest of the day.

Bella: **NOO!!!**

Emmett: To bad we have to eat food.'

Bella: Humph.

Emmett: And you are only alloud under trees or any shelter for that matter for 3 seconds

Edward: Thats a bit long.

Carlisle: You never know.

Emmett: Any objections ? ... No okay ! One.. Two ... Three.. **RUN!**

---Everyone is suddenly outside and running from the snowflakes.--

Bella: What the Hell kind of game is this ?

Emmett: **NOO !! MY FIRST SNOWFLAKE !!!**

Alice: **I got one too !**

Edward: **Suckers ! Oh.. nevermind! I Got one to !**

Bella: --Bella's thoughts "What in the name of Dirty Turtles are they talking about ?"--

Esme: **Oh Dear. I got 5. Where do I keep the grapes ? --**She leaves the yard.--

Rosalie: **I have 3 Lives left !**

--Game continues for about 3 more minutes. Everyone is out Except Alice and Emmett.--

Alice: **Oh it is soo On !**

Emmett: **To bad I will win.**

Alice: **OH MY GIGGILY GOSH ! THERE IS A STUPENDISS DINGO !!!**

Emmett: **Where ? **--Pauses in the middle of the front yard--

Alice: --Safely Under a tree-- HAHA ! Game over I win.

Emmett: **NOO!!! WHAT MUST THE DINGO"S HAUNT ME ?!?! **--Lays down and dry sobs on the middle of the wet front lawn--

Bella: Should we go get him ?

Edward: Let him cry it out. He'll be fine.

**A/N:** HAHA! That tottally happened to me and My friend. We were walking to the corner store and she was like OMG ! Andrea. Lets Try to dodge the Snowflakes ! I'm like. WTF if that even possible ? And she was like.. If could be.. if you were one of those super fast Vampires you talk about all the time. I was like.. I wish. HAHA! That would be fun though. 'Member to Review And give suggestions You Horendous Hippo's !


	14. 14 Sssanta ?

Santa ???

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--Edward, In his room by himself, kneeling in his closet counting .. something--

Edward: 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 200-- .. Where is she ? Fratisia ? Fratisia Where are you ?

--Giggle from downstairs--

Edward: **EMMETT ! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH FRATISIA !!!**

--Picks up little pink thing, Stands up and slams the closet door shut so hard a board game falls out. Then Edward Charges to Emmetts Room--

Edward: Where the Hell did you put Fratisia ?

Emmett: I don't know who you are talking about.

Edward: -sighs- Ugh, Holiday Barbie 2003.

Emmett: Oh ! HAHA ! She had a makeover

Edward: **WHAT !!! GIVE ME MY LITTLE SWEETHEART !**

Emmett: I don't know whether Bella should feel jelous or run away as fast as she can.

Edward: Shutup Emmett, You Ruined my Beauties hair !

Emmett: She had it comimng

Edward: --Close to crying-- What did she ever do to you ?!

Emmett: You wouldn't let me play with her.

Edward: Well she is special to me. You should ask Santa for a Holiday Barbie for Christmas then !

Emmett: Pshh, We all know santa isn't real Edward.

Edward: ... What ?

Emmett: You do know he's fake right ?

Edward: --Bottom Lip wimpers-- N-n-no...

Emmett: Oh.. I'm .. sorry.. Here's Fratisia.

Edward: Please tell me you are lyring about S-s-sante r-right ?

Emmett: I'm sorry bud. You had to find out someday.

Edward: --Dry sobs-- No ! No this can't happen ! Not now !

Emmett: You still have Fratisia...

Edward: ** That doesn't matter !**

Emmett: Here you go buddy. --Hands him Doll--

Edward: --To Fratisia-- _Are you okay honey ? did he hurt you ?_ --Combs her hair, sniffs and leaves room--

--Edward goes into kitchen to talk to Esme--

Edward: _Esme ?_

Esme: Is somthing the matter Edward --Sits down beside him--

Edward: Is it true ?

Esme: What dear?

Edward: 'Bout Sanna. Is.. Is.. Is he fake ?

Esme: Oh, Dear Edward The Spirit of Santa exists inside all of us.

Edward: **Thats not what I asked !**

Esme: Well.. The real actual person. No he is not real

Edward: So.. its...t-true then.

Esme: I'm so sorry.

Edward: s'okay, I'll just phone Bella and she will make it feel all better

Esme: Thats my boy. Why Hello Fratisia

Edward: --Girl Voice-- Hello Esme.

Esme: Okay go phone Bella now.

Edward: Thank you for Talking to me about this.

Esme: Your welcome sweetheart

**A/N:** HAHA ! I couldn't resist. This chapter was going to be somthing else. Except It just turned into this itself. It's short but still I love it. but You have to rememeber this chaper for the next chapter. Reviews !


	15. 15 Yeah Toast !

**A/N: **Thank you Arcade Fire I am foever in your debt. I just couldn't get the picture of bella and Alice singing Yeah toast out of my head. so I decided to right it and maybe it will leave me alone.

Yeah Toast !

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

--Alice and Bella sitting on the Cullen couch in the living room. With I pod headphones on. And they are singing a song.

Alice: All around the Country and the coast

Bella: People always say what do you like most ?

Alice: I don't wanna brag I don't wanna boast

Bella: But I always tell them I like toast

Both: **YEAH TOAST ! YEAH TOAST!**

Alice: I wake up in the morning bout 6:am

Bella: Have a little Jelly have a little Jam

Alice: I put it in the slot

Bella: Press down the lever and the wires get hot I get toast !

Both: **YEAH TOAST ! YEAH TOAST !**

Alice: Now theres no secret to toasting perfection

Bella: There's a Dail on the side and you make your selection.

Alice: Push to the Dark or the light Pops to soon

Bella: Press down again you get toast !

Both: **YEAH TOAST ! YEAH TOAST !**

Alice:When the first Cave man drove in from the Drag

Bella: Didn't know what would go with bacon and eggs

Alice: Must have been a genius got it in his head

Bella: Plug the toaster in the wall buy a pack of bred you make Toast

Both: **YEAH TOAST ! YEAH TOAST !**

Emmett: --Pops up form behind the couch -- Watch Guyss singing ?

Bella: How dare you ruin Our toast song !

Alice: I can't believe you ! we were Just about at the French toast part to ! --Slaps Emmett--

Emmett: Do it again

Bella: No my turn !

**A/N: **Aha.. I love that. I slapped this guy once. His friend was right behind him. And after I slapped him he's all Do it agian ! His friend shoves infront of him and is like. No it's my turn ! I'm like.. Okay.. I'm ganna leave now . .. .


	16. 16 New Years

**A/N:** Don't Eat me !!! I'm sorry ! Sorry it's taken me so long to make another chapter. I'm holidays right now, on a laptop with no internet access, on New years Eve. :( I am babysitting, watching Dick Clark and shiz. I am such a Loser. My friend was here but she had to leave. And now. I am on my own. We were supposed to have a sleepover but her mommy was being a betch. Hmm : What an awsome new Years hey ? So I have decided to Visit the Bella and Co. On New years Eve and see what they are up to.

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talk, _Italics Whisper_

--- In the Cullen living room. All the Cullens and Bella are there. There are watch the New years Ball drop. When it finally does drop, there was one tiny pathetic cazoo that got used. No one was up to celebrating. Guess who Blew the Cazoo ?---

Emmett: What the hell guys ! Celebrate. It's new Years. Have some fun. Don't be such a naughty Flamingo

Edward: I have seen the ball drop a thousand times.

Emmett: You aren't even 200 years old yet.

Edward: That you know of. 

Emmett: Ooohoho.. He's a tricky von --German Accent--

Rosalie: Hmm. If I were Human I would be able to get Drunk. Then I wouldn't even have to try to have fun.

Alice: I've Always wanted to get Drunk it looks like fun.

Carlilse: Thats not very responsible

---Everyone turns to stare at him---

Jasper: Admit it Carlisle. You want to get slammed just like the rest of us.

Carlisle: Thats not tru--- --Everyone stares at him-- Yeah.. I guess your right.. Yeah I do.

Esme: Boys ! You don't need alchohol to have a good time

Edward: Meh

Jasper: On New Years you do.

Esme: No you don't We could have some good family fun !

Bella: And that would Entaile ?

Alice: Ooh ! Ooh ! I have an Idea !

Edward: Cha Right !

Alice: Eddikinz Your not in this !

Bella: ... Please tell me your not going to give me another makeover?

Alice: Way to spoil the fun :(

Jasper: How bout we get Bella Drunk !

Emmett: AWSOME PLAN !

Edward: No. Absolutly not going to happen

Esme: Boys ! Why would you even think of saying such a thing.

Carlisle: --Laughs. Then Edward Clears his throat rather loudly-- I mean Ugh, That is not very appropriate --laughs a bit more--

Bella: Err. I'm good with my sparkling apple juice thanks.

Emmett: --Leans over Bellas Cup and looks inside -- Is there any liquid in that drink ?

Edward: What ?

Jasper: What kind of stupid ass question is that ?

Alice: I can't remember any of my human life, And even I know that Emikinzikinz. Don't be such silly penguin

Bella: Hmm maybe you should look a bit closer and find out.

Emmett: --Leans very close and examines the drink--

Bella: --When Emmettis really close Bella Spills it all over his face and has apple juice all over his shirt and face--

Edward: Nice one Bella !

Bella: --Giggles--I though He deserved it. He was being a dirty donkey

Alice: Your right it was well served

Jasper: Great Shot lil Sis.

Esme: Sorry Emmet, But it was a bit funny.

Emmett: You guys are just jelous.

Jasper: Of what ?

Emmett: Of my two Ikinz !

Edward: Shutup ! I am sooo Over that.

Emmett: course you are.

Jasper: Yeah !

Alice: Hey, Eddikinz can you pass me the remote ?

Edward: SHUTUP ! ---Runs into the other room Looking like he is Crying.---

Bella: Touchy ?

**A/N: ** Yeah, I know not halarious but what do you excpect for 3:30 in the morning, when you are by yourself ? Oh ! Oh ! I reached my goal, of 20 reveiws. My new goal is 50. PWWEAASEE ! Reveiw. I will be releasing chapters one a Day now, Since people only usually comment on the latest.


	17. 17 Pearlz

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whisper_

--Bella's House. Edward and Alice and Emmett are there. There a woofs coming from downstair--

Edward: Okay, What is that ?

Bella: Umm, I .. Er.

Alice: Bella got a Dog !

Emmett: A Dog ?

Edward: Wh...whh.. Why ???

Bella: It was just so sad !

Emmett: What was ?

Alice: Yesterday

Edward: What was sad ?

Bella: Well.. Charlie got a call from the cheif and he said there was a loose dog running around and The SPCA was busy soo...He had to go get him. And and... He was just so helpless. I couldn't let him go to the pound

Alice: She has a soft spot.

Emmett: What !

Edward: Umm.. Okay then

Bella: His name is Pearlz.

Emmett: Isn't it a guy ?

Alice: Yes.

Edward: Why Pearlz then ?

Bella: Don't ask Eddikinz !

Emmett: Well, Lets go see him

Alice: Lets go !

--Later in the Cullen living room, Everything from Christmas is still up. Rosalie and Emmett: are in the living room. Rose is on the Couch and Emmett is sitting in front of the

Tree---

Emmett: --Crinkle Crinkle Crinkle--

Rosalie: Are you eating the Tinsel from the tree ?

Emmett: No...

Rosalie: Uh Yes you are..

Emmett: The Dog does it to.

Rosalie: The Dog also licks himself

Emmett: Are you trying to make me Jelous ?

Rosalie: --Looks side to side and avoids Emmetts Eyes-- No --Runs away--

Emmett: --Confused Look-- Oh Well

-- In Alice's Room. Alice and Bella and Roslie are having A girls night while everyone else goes hunting. Pearlz is Sitting on Rose's Lap.---

Alice: So Whatcha Wanna Do Now ??

Bella: Listening to Music is Just fine for now.

Alice: Ooh ! Ohh ! Lets do The Frozen Bra.

Bella: You know I'd love to but No.

Rosalie: Ahah... Umm, Err Guys ? Me and Pearlz are Kinda like ... Ya Know.

Alice: OH MY GOD !

Bella: Wha.. Holy Shit Rose, He's a Dog !

Rosalie: Well.. Were Just Kinda.. Connected. Unlike Me and Emmett:

Alice: Rose, It's a Dog.

Bella: How are you going to tell Emmett

Rosalie: I don't think I will. Maybe we'll just have a secret Relationship.

Alice: Oh Dear god.

Bella: Does this mean, that Pearlz will be living here with you guys.

Rosalie: Better Not, They Might figure somthing out. Just Everytime You Come here bring him please.

Bella: Wow.

Alice: This is a little different but okay then.

Emmett: **WHAT THE HELL ROSE !**

Alice: Crap He was listening.

Rosalie: How could you not know that ? Jesus, Some Future Teller you are.

Alice: Shut up !

Emmett: I Will Terminate you Pearlz !

Bella: You will not Tuch him.

Emmett: This means War To the Battle Feild !

--In The Base Ball Clearing, Rosalie Emmett Bella Pearlz Alice Edward And Jasper are all in a loose Circle Stretching--

Emmett: -- sitting on the ground reaching for his toes and can only really Reach to his knee--

Rosalie: --Sitting on the Ground Leaned Flat against her legs hands fully grasped around her feet--

Emmett: Jesus Rose, Slow down !

Rosalie: --Glares-- Yours supposed to do it till it hurts Retard !

Jasper: --In the Center of the Circle, Facing everyone.-- You know the rules. Alright? This is Between Emmett and Pearlz. If You are on Pearlz Side of the fight Please Go

to the left side of the clearing. And if You are On Emmetts The right. If You Neutrul Then To the Front Of the clearing. --On Pearlz Side there is Edward And Bella Alice and On Emmetts There is Jasper and Rosalie Is Neutrul (Both Of her Loves are fighting against Each other)-- Okay. **I DECLARE WAR !**

Emmett: Wait ! I need To Cike Myself Up for this ! --Runs behind the Circle With his IPod-- _She's a Man Eater Make him Work Hard ..._

--Everyone Turns To Stare At him--

Emmett: Yes, I'm Listening to Man Eater. Okay I'm Ready ! **I DECLARE WAR !**

Jasper: Pff Whatever.

**--**The Fight was pretty Even, But Emmett Ended Up winning becuase Rosalie in the middle of the fight ended up having a Relapses and realized why she married Emmett. And also if she choose Pearlz, They couldn't .. Yeah ..--

**A/N: **Ahaha. Had to do that. Pearlz Will still be in a few more chapters. REVEIWS !!! You know you Want to ! Even if you don't want to Just do it anyways cas You love me


	18. 18 Hungry Hungry Hippo's !

**A/N: **I Have absolutely no Idea where this chapter is going, so if it sucks. Then Well it sucks. I will be useing a few suggestions to guide me though.

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talk, _Italics Whispers_

--Cullen Living Room, Edward Bella Alice and Emmett, Are doing nothing and Jasper and Rosalie are playing "Hungry Hungry Hippo's"--

Jasper: Ready, Set GO!

Rosalie: I will Devour you !

Jasper: Oh You are Soo On.

Rosalie: Dude. It's already on. AHAH ! I distracted you to get the marble ! Muhaha !

Jasper: Dammit, Stay Focused Commander Whitlock !

Rosalie: Crap, We are even !

Jasper: We are never even. Because I will win !

Rosalie: Yeah right ! There are only 3 marbles left, NO!

--Flash's to the living room--

Edward: What the hell are they doing in there ?

Alice: Hungry, Hungry Hippo's Silly !

Bella: Don't you know what hungry hungry hippo's are ?

Emmett: Yeah Eddikinz !

Edward: Shutup Emmett

Emmett: You will address me as Emmikinzikinz, Only Do you understand ?

Edward: I will not !

Emmett: Oh I think you will

Edward: And why is that ?

Emmett: --Grabs Bella, And holds her as if she is a hostage-- Because I have Bella !

Edward: Give her back !

Emmett: First Say Emmikinzikinz Rocks

Edward: No

Emmett: Do it.

Edward; -Sighs- Emmikinzikinz Rocks

Emmett: I, Eddikinz, Bow down to Emmikizikinz.

Edward: Pshh, I, Eddiknz, Bow down to Emmikinzikinz

Emmett: And I have sparkily toes.

Edward: What ?

Emmett: --Stern look-- Eddi, Do it.

Edward: Fine. And I have sparkily toes.

Emmett: And I Edward Anthony Maeson Cullen Am whipped by Bella Marie Swan.

Edward: Never.

Emmett: Remember who I have here

Edward: Yes I know.  
Emmett: So do it then

Edward: I will never say that

Emmett: Fine then She will disappear into me room and never come out

Edward: You wouldn't dare.

Emmett: Wouldn't I ?

Edward: Stop it.

Emmett: If you won't say it no more Bella for you.

Edward: You can't do that

Emmett: SHUTUP --Chinese Accent--

Edward: I'm sorry but I will not say it.

Bella: God dammit, Edward, Say it.

Edward: I Edward Anthiny Maeson Cullen am Whipped by Bella Marie Swan. --Scared tone--

Alice: AHAHAHAHA !!!

Roslie: **YES I WON !**

**A/N:** Well Okay, that chapter kinda sucked but oh well REVEIWS ! If I Don't get atleast 5 reveiws per chapter I Will continue releasing, Chapter one per Day. Maybe One per Week, Depends How much of a Naughty Ostrich You people are being.


	19. 19 Story Time !

**A/N: ** Oh, My, GOD ! I am SOOO Bored... Like.. No.. BORED. So I am going to make a fan fiction. I Have no I dea what is going to happen in this chapter here so.. Yeah.

**WARNING: **This Chapter May suck.

**Bold Yells, ** Regular Talk, _Italics Whisper_

---In, Once again the Cullen living room. All the kids are there including Bella--

Jasper: In All my years, I have never been quite this bored. Wait ! There was that one time with Maria ... Nevermind, That was funner.

Bella: No, This really isn't that bad. I have been border.

--Flash Back--

A white Wall

--End Flashback--

Rosalie: And there is nothing on tv ?

Edward: Nope.

Rosalie: Beat Dance Dance Revelution ?

Edward: Yep.

Rosalie: Wanna drive to Port Angeles ?

Edward: Nope.

Alice: Guys, We have to do somthing. Actually I'd rather do anything than this.

Emmett: STORY TIME !!! OH MY GOD ! A STORY !

Jasper: Okay, Okay. I have a brilliant idea ! Everyone says one sentance from a song to make a story okay ?

Emmett: The Person with the most Ikinz starts. One day--

Alice: I beleive that would actually be me or Bella.

Emmett: What the hell ? I have two.

Bella: And we have 3

Emmett: Be that way then.

Alice: Bella, Continue please.

Bella: Someone comes out of the blue, There Like "Yeah" And he's saying, "Can I take your digits ?" And you're "No. Not in a million years, Your nasty Please leave me alone"

Alice:He says "Summer, Yeah, It never leaves your face, you've got that Sunshine, bright eyed, California cotton Candy Taste"

Bella: She's all "Oh My Gosh you must be joking me if you think that you'll be poking me."

Alice: Then he said "You got that booty that I want"

Edward: And she said, "I got it from my momma, I got it from My momma, I got it got it"

Jasper: Then he's like "Hey sexy Ladday, I like your flow, Your body's banging Out of control. Will you put it on me, ceiling to floor, only you can make me, Scream and Beg for more !"

Rosalie: And she's all "Typical, hardly the type I fall for. I Like it when the physical, don't leave me askin for more."

Emmmett:And he says "I found you miss new booty, get it together and break it back to me, hit the playa's floor, bout a month or two, hit the Dance floor then see what I

do"

Bella: She says "Make room for me, It's to soon to see, If I'm happy in your hands"

Alice: He's all " I got the meanist cleanist Baddest, vehicle on stainless wheels"

Edward:She says "If it smells, like funk it must be us because we keep it stinky"

Jasper: Then He says "We, back on line we came to ride We deal We stack, we Multiply we stay on grind until we die, and back for more cas we can't get enough"

Rosalie: She all "What if I told you to take off all your clothes and Dance, in your birthday suit ? Yeah, it's the latest Craze"

Emmett: And he's like "Baby yes i'm addicted to how we kick it. Didn't know it could be so wicked, hopping that you stay with me"

Bella: And she's like "Watch out, Oh, Watch out Your sayin come get me. Get up and follow me to the floor"

Alice: And he's all "I Got a bit of Blueberry Yumm Yumm, And I didn't know that it could taste this good"

Edward: Then she says "Now, I'm The Queen of the swingers oh the City VIP, I've reached the top and had to stop and thats whats bothering me"

Jasper: He's Like "Where's my gangsters and where's thugs ? through them hands up and show some Love, And I welcome you to detroit City"

Roslie: She's says "Everytime we tuch I get this feeling, Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last"

Emmett: And He's all "You move your body like a cyclone, and You make me wanna do it All night long, going hard"

Bella: Then she's like "I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean, somebody come and take me away"

Alice: He says "Your little whispers, Love me, Love. Wondered what it's like to tuch and feel somthing"

Edward: She's All "I get the tingles in a silly place, it starts in my toes, makes me crinkle my nose"

Emmett: Okay I'm Out ! This story is turning into a love story.

Jasper: Me to.

Rosalie, Alice, Bella and Edward : **And they all lives happily Ever After !**

Jasper: **MY EARS !**

**A/N: **If You don't know a song and you want to know what it is. Just ask me in a reveiw. Speaking of reveiws... SEND THEM ! Dammit, I'll send my Evil bear under my bed after you all !


	20. 20 Hannah Montana

**A/N: **Hey. I'm on an Airplane, writing write now. So if theres a millions spelling errors, then well I'm doing my best. You know the deal. Sitting next to someone you don't even know. Fun Fun Funn ! --Rolls Eyes--

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whisper._

--As usual, In the Cullen living room. The kids are there. Esme and Carlisle are on a second Honeymoon. --Awwee !--- And the kids are Home alone --Dun Dunn DUNN!--

Emmett: **ALICE !!! BELLA !!! COME QUICK !**

Alice: --runs Bella down stairs-- What What What !

Emmett: Hannah Montana Marathon !

Bella: No Way !

Alice: Score ! --Double Pump--

Jasper: What was that little thingamijggydancawho there ?

Edward: What the hell did you just say ?

Jasper: Thingamijiggydancawho.

Alice: It's called a double pump Jasper.

Edward: --Laughs-- Yeah Jasper --Laughs--

Alice: Oh Shutup.

Rosalie: I've seen this episode before.

Alice: Yeah me too, Emmett will have a hit to the face by the time this day is over.

Rosalie: No not this episode of.. What ever the hell we do. This episode of Hannah Montana.

Emmett: What ?!

Bella: Oh Yeah Me to. Jackson gets addicted to sugar. Thats an old one.

Edward: How could you guys watch such a horrible show like this.

Jasper: How could you say that ! Hannah Montana Rocks My socks !

Edward: Yeah, your "Happy Bunny" Socks.

Jasper: Did You have a point ?

Rosalie: Happy Bunny is my god.

Alice: I Thought that Ostrich's were your God.

Rosalie: No Silly. Ostritch's are my Heaven.

Edward: Is it possible for Animals to be Heaven ?

Bella: Oh It is quite Possible.

Edward: And how is that ?

Emmett: Edward you are a retard.

Edward: How ?!

Jasper:You Don't like Happy Bunny,

Rosalie: Or Hannah Montana

Alice: Guys Shutup. A new episode is on!

Emmett: Nah I've seen it.

Bella: Have not.

Emmett: Yuh huh !

Alice: Nuh uh. Cas me knowing all such, Saw that a new episode is on, So I am the only one who can say "I have seen this episode" Well me and Eddikinz cas he can

like mind rape you and shiz so He can mind rape me and then see that episode to.. --Everyone stares-- What ?

Edward: How does your mind work.

Alice: You should know, your the one raping it.

Jasper: Oh ! Edward would you like some ice with that burn ?

Edward: You arn't in this Jasper !

Jasper: I so Am now.

Emmett: Retards your missing the episode !

Rosalie: Oh my god !

Alice: My Eyes !

Jasper: What did I miss What happened !

Rosalie: Jackson's outfit isn't matching.

Alice: It's a triavisty.

Emmett: Even I think that is bad.

Edward: Your one to talk.. Plad with plad ? Eugh ! I'm a guy ! Even I think that is nasty.

Jasper: Edward Stop pretending we all know you got a sex change.

Edward: What ? Since when ?!

Rosalie: Then Why does Orlando Round About keep stalking you ?

Edward: **WHAT !**

Bella: Oopsidaisys !

--Flash's to the window, A Man dressed like a Woman ToothFairy is Pounding on the Window Yelling **YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME BABY!** --

Edward: Oh Dear god.

--One day Edward is by himself Flipping through the Channels Then he stops--

Edward: --Singing Along with the T.V.-- _Who would have thought that a girl like me'd double as a superstar ! _**NO! I've been mind raped by Hannah Montana !**

Orlando Roundabout: I'll Mind Rape you for free !

**A:N/ **Kay, Thank god he went to the bathroom. I wan't ganna say this when he was here but oh my god he smells like Dorito's and Cheese ! Reveiw Please! Even tell me how much this chapter sucked if you want !


	21. 21 Nelson

**A/N: **Oh my god. This happened. I HATE This guy. His soul will burn in the fire pitts of hell !

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

---Emmett Bella Alice Jasper Rose and Edward Downtown At the Stuffy Machines--

Jasper: Almost ... come on !

Bella: you can do it Jasper ! Go go go !

Alice: Come on your sooo Close !

Jasper: Damn it ! I gues I'll have to settle for a little stuffy.

Edward: We need more change.

Bella: Kay I 'll go to the store and Find some more.

---Feilds--- Sorry We ain't loud to give you non.

Bella: Are you from like.. The west or somthing ?

---Alchohol store--- --Giggless-- Ahahahhh... You know where I can get some drugs ?

Bella: Are you drunk ?

---Hair Dressers--- Oh Hoi Hun ? Wouldja Loike Somthin ? Oh Crap I just cut another persons ear off.

Bella: Okay I'm just ganna leave now.

---Dollar store, A larger boy with Short dark hair is there, And his Name tag says Nelson..---

Bella: Well Hello there Nelson could you give me change for a Loonie ?

Nelson: Okay. 

Bella: --Takes the money-- Okay thank you.

Bella: --Back at the Stuffy Machine.-- Okay... I'm back now. You have NOO Ides what I went through.

Rosalie: What did you go through.

Bella: I .. I... **I refuse to go back there !!!**

Emmett: Okay.. Alright then.

Edward: My turn !

Alice: Go go go !

Jasper: Go Eddi ! Go Eddi !

Edward: Okay never do that again.

Bella: Good Job Asshole you just lost !

Edward: Bella ! You just swore at me !

Bella: Oh Don't look so surprised Douche bag.

Alice: Just go back to the Dollar store.

Bella: I guess I can do that. ---At the Dollar store-- Hi Nelson I was wondering I if I could have some more change.

Nelson: Sorry We can't keep giving you change like that.

Bella: What did you just say ?

Nelson: Sorry I can't give you more change.

Bella: You will regret this !!!


	22. 22 Malcom The 1st

**A/N:**Guess what Guess What ! I am SOO Excited. I got a flash Drive ! That means All the chapters I right on my Laptop I can put onto My big computer without having to wait like 5 days to find internet ! Soo I'm ganna right this Chapter then add Some new stuff to my story !

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers._

--Bella Alice And Emmett In the Dollar store. downtown--

Alice: Hey Bellaaa ?

Bella: Hey Alliiicee ?

Emmett: Hey Emmmettt ?

Alice: What the hell ?

Emmett: I wanted to be specail too.

Alice: Okay Whatever. Dijaknow that in this Dollar stores everything is Actually a dollar ? Not like those so called dollar store that charge a dollar plus tax.

Bella: No way ! I should get a helium Ballon !

Emmett: Do it ! Omg Do it!

Alice: Get an It's a girl ballon and say that it's for Rose.

Bella: I Plan on living.

Alice: Awwe.. No Fun.

Emmett: Look at that happy birthday Ballon ! It's so ... Pertay Like.

Bella: I want it..

Alice: Buy it !

Bella: Heckyes ! -- they walk to the counter--

Emmett: How much is it to get this balloon blown up.

Alice: --Stares at Emmett--

Emmett: What ? Orlando Round About isn't all that Satisfiying.

Bella Alice and Chick at the counter: --Stares--

Emmett: What ???

Chick At counter: Umm.. Err.. 50 cents...

Bella: Heck yes ! I have 2.00$ !

Alice: I swear to god you say Heck yes one more time I will put your head in a bucket of syrup !

Bella: Heck ye--

Emmett: You herd the girl.

Bella: But it sounds like fun !

Alice: Shut up !

Bella: _Okay_

Chick at the counter: Yeah What color ribbon do you want.

Bella: .. Greeennnn !!!

Alice: Oh My god.. It is soo Sexy...

Emmett: Sexy ?

Alice: Grr. Better than Jasper.

Emmett: --Stares--

Alice: So your the only one who can talk about your Un-Satisfying Sex life ?

Bella: New Topic Please ?

Chick at the Counter: --Pass's The Balloon-- Enjoy.

Bella: Oh yes I will... I Doub you Malcom the 1st !

Emmett: The first ?

Bella: Well uy the time the day is over, I am assuming you guy s will kill Him and I will have to get another one.

Alice: True dat.

--Everyone leaves and walks around the town the go to Shoppers Drug mart, And looks around Emmett Gets scared when he gets into the Acne Care section. Then they go to Robins Donuts and order Chinese Noodles, only to find that they actually can't get Chinese noodles at Robins Donuts. Then when They are outside Shoppers and Alice Grabs the ballon then Punches it. It comes off the Ribbon then fly into the Night sky...--

Bella: **NOO !!!**

Emmett And Alice: --On the ground laughing so hard.--

Bella: **I LOVE YOU MALCOM !!!**

Emmett: Oh Un-clench just go buy a new one.

Bella: Okay.

--Go back to the Dollar store Only to find...--

_**TO BE CONTINUED !!!**_

_  
_**A/N:** Ahaha Don't you have that ! LOL !!! FYI This actually happened.


	23. 23 Malcom the 2nd

**A/N:** Sorry it's taken me so long to write back. Just to refresh everyones memory --Dramatic Voice like from Movie Adds-- Last Episode of Random Conversations. Bella gets A New ballon. But it is lost in the wind currents Will she get it back ? She walks down to the Dollar store again only to find ...

Bella: No... It can't be !

Alice: Ba..ba butt !

Emmett: You son of a bitch !

Nelson: Excuse me ?

Alice: Emmett Shut up. We have to get Bella a new Happy Birthday Ballon and get the hell out of this Faggette Palace.

Bella: F-f-f-fine. --They go get a new ballon--

Nelson: Your total is 1.06

Alice: Okay then.

Emmett: Aren't you going to fill that up ?

Nelson: Well You didn't ask for it.

Emmett: Did you not clearly hear us talking about how she needs a new Ballon.

Nelson: Yes, But you didn't ask for it.

Emmett: Who the hell would want a flat ballon.

Nelson: Well you could blow it up at home.

Emmett: Hehehehe !

Alice: Who in the world has their own fucking Helium Bottle ! 

Nelson: I'm sorry Please calm down Or else I'm ganna have to ask you to leave.

Bella: Guys.. Chill you jets. Just fill it.

Nelson: Okay That will be 1.92.

Bella: --Twitch's-- W-w-what ?!

Nelson: 1.92 please ?

Bella: How much are you charging me for Helium.

Nelson: It's 75 cents plus tax

Bella: Err No it's not, Last time it was 25 cents.

Nelson: We Finally raised the prices.

Alice: In Half an hour ?

Nelson: Don't ask me I don't write the prices.

Emmett: But seriously man, in half an hour.

Nelson: You can go look at the sign if you want.

Bella: No, Nelson I don't want to go look at your sign. when you weren't here It was only 25 cents.

Nelson: I'm sorry it was like this when I got on the shift.

Alice: Fill the Ballon Nelson.

Nelson: I have full rights to kick you out of this store.

Emmett: I Dare you.

Bella: Shut up I want my Goddamded Ballon.

Nelson: One more word and I will call security !

Alice: Wait wait.. What ? Dollar Stores have security ?

Nelson: Well yeah there has been alot of crime lately.

Alice: I see.

Nelson: ---Fills up ballon--- Here you go, The store obligates me to say happy Birthday.

Emmett: That doesn't sound like you mean it.

Alice: Yeah say it like you care about her.

Emmett: Like you would be there for her through anything.

Alice: LIke if she got Cancer you would be in the hospital everyday with her

Emmett: And like you would shave your head to give her a wig

Alice: Like after she dies from her Cancer you will be at her grave site everyday and Cry

Emmett: Cry like you've never Cried before.

Alice: And like you could never get over it

Emmett: You would have to work a Mcdonalds cas you were to distorted to go through school

Alice: And you wouldn't even be manager even though you worked their your whole life, cas You were to sad by her death to give people their freakin fries.

Emmett: And all your money goes to therapy

Alice: Because you have developed and OCD

Emmett: And you can't help but take out the red MMs of of everything

Alice: And you are also messed cas it's supposed to be smarties.

Nelson:...

Bella: ...

Emmett: What ?

Nelson: happy birthday ...

Bella: It's not my birthday

Nelson: Well is it for your friend ?

Bella: No it's for me

Nelson: Why is it yours then ?

Bella: Cas I want one.

Nelson: --Startes with one raised Eyebrow---

Bella: Don't question my sanity like that it's rude.

**A/N: **It's sad because that actually happened to me, Like word for word. Even that security stuff and the swearing. Reveiws Reveiws ! I Love you if you do !


	24. 24 Friggin JellyBean Pirates

**A/N: **This Idea came from a reveiw I was about to send, I was going to suggest this, but I decided to use it in my own story because it just kinda came together in my head, I dunno how great it will be but, Oh well. Oh ! And anyone of you lovely fans want to tell me what OCC Means ? I feel kinda stupid for asking this but whatever. Thanks !

**Bold Yells, ** Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

-- Shopping downtown for a Alice and Bella Bonding Sleepover. But of course the food is only for Bella.---

Alice: Hmm.. What are those Jelly Looking Beans.

Bella: Jelly Beans.

Alice: I am brilliant !!!

Bella: That you are Bella ... That you are.

Alice: What ?

Bella: Hmm ?

Alice: You just said that you were smart instead of me.

Bella: But I am smart.

Alice: Not so much

Bella: Yeah.. Yeah I am not am I ?

Alice: Correct. Ooh ohh ! And what are those little beans that look like Jelly.

Bella: Jelly Bellys !

Alice: Cleaver... Why Don't they call them mini Jelly Beans ?

Bella: Cas Those little ones are made from different people.

Alice: But Really whats the difference.

Bella: Those Ity ones taste different

Alice: Like what ?

Bella: Lots of stuff.

Alice: See I don't get it.

Bella: Well ... Grrr

Alice: Did you seriously just growl?

Bella: That I did Alicikinzikinzikinz

Alice: And why Bellarama ?

Bella: This would be soo much easier if you were human.

Alice: Shutup ! It's not my fault ! It's that Fagette James's fault !!! GRR !!!

Bella: Calmmm !! Shhh... Relaxing thoughts... basking in the medow... Gazellss jumpingg... grasefully loping around the medow...

Alice: You are making me hungry.

Bella: Lets get Jelly-Bellies !

Alice: Why not Jelly-Beans

Bella: Cas Jelly-Bellies Are just better.

Alice: I still don't get it.

Bella: Because Jelly-Bellies are just so much more .. exciting !

Alice: And how is that ?

Bella: Okay, Jelly-Beans are just like.. Mint.. Orange ..Grape and some random red kind that doesn't really have a taste.

Alice: Where as Jelly-Bellies ???

Bella: They Have like Popcorn and Cotton Candy, And Green Apple and Caramel. Mmmmm My mouth is watering.

Alice: But they are so small.

Bella: Not really, They are the perfect size. Not to big, not to small, And when you bite it the flavor driffs all over your mouth making it yummier.

Alice: They look like they could get stale so easily though.

Bella: Nu uh ! Alicikinzikinzikinz. It's the Evil Jelly-Beans that betray you after a month.

Alice: They Betray you !!! --Gasp--

Bella: Yes... They took a butter knife and followed me around the house. I told Charlie but he just laughed. I swear I have a scar from it. They got to me ! They got to me ...

--Lifts up arm and shows a baby toe sized scar--

Alice: Those vicious sunns a bitchs !

Bella: I know, they had pirate hats.

Alice: What ?

Bella: Hmm ?

Alice: Ohh..

Bella: Ostrich

Alice: What ?

Bella: hmm ?

Alice: _Ohh.._

Bella: Anyways back to the Jelly-Bellies

Alice: Ohhh ! Ohh ! Tell me about the Textures..

Bella: It feels like Heaven

Alice: Grr !

Bella: It Feels like Freedom !

Alice: Yummm!

Bella: It's juicayy !

Alice:Tell me moreee !!!

Bella: It's Rough !!!

Alice: **Yess !!! MORE !**

Bella: Okayy Alice.. Lets just take a deep breathe and calm down okay?

Alice: Feeewww...

Bella: Okay good..

Alice: Tell me about more candy !

Bella: Okay lets move to that Candy Corn .. . .

**A/N: **Ha. I hope you like it. I loovee Jelly Bellies. They are soo yummily. Please Reveiw You know you want too !!!


	25. 25 Mr Cullen

**READ THIS !!! A/N:** This chapter is about if Emmett Were an MP. For those who don't know what MP Means like if you live in the U.S.A. MP means like Senator. Thats All I really know. It's like.. two steps up from the mayor, so like the ... Mayor ? of a Vally, or a little mroe than a district. Okay Anyways, This convo is from our Skeena MP (I live in Canada) Nathan Cullen. (Emmett _Cullen_ Nathan _Cullen_ Ehh ?? Coincidence ? I think not !) OMG He is Sooooo Funny !

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talks, _Italics Whispers_

---In the back of a Class room Emmett hasn't Arrived yet. The Teacher's name is ... Mr Goffinet... Sure Why not ? The kids are about.. 14, 15 or 16ish. There doing there things talking. Ya know slaking off---

Girl 1 (Lets call her .. Autum): Hmm Emmett Cullen. What does he look like ?

Girl 2 (She'll be Justine): Well From his posters he looks like a Really Hott Gay guy.

Girl 3 (Her name will be.. Kaitlin): Yeah he does a bit actually now that you think of it.

Autum: No way ! What if he is Like Mr Hiltz's Lover!

Justine: you don't Seriously think that Our Principle is gay do you ?

Kaitlin: I walked in on him listening to Beyonce. I have no doubts.

Autum: Just picture it. When he walks in, He'll like talk, ya know Be all boring and Stuff Then Mr. Hiltz Knocks on the door... Dun Dun Dunnn !

Justine: Haha ! Yeah He's all. Sweetie ? I mean Err Emmett Could I talk to you in the hallway ? 

Kaitlin: Yeah then Emmett will be like. "Oh you little Devil !" Then Emmett Jumps into Mr. Hiltz's Arms and they walk down the hallway.

Autum: What the hell ? hahah !

Random Guy: Okay He's Here !

Mr. Goffinet: Well Where is he ?

Emmett: I'm right here !

Mr. Goffinet: --Like an Excited Girl seeing her Crush-- Oh ! Your In the Door way ! I see you !

Emmett: Umm... Hi ?

Mr. Goffinet: Okay So We are going to Start with the Q&A Now So People stand up in the Order we arranged.

Emmett: Wait! Actually I Would like to intoduce myself to you ... Peeoopplllee ? well I Guess your not people yet. Well I am Emmett Cullen

Talon: Supp Cullen !

Emmett: Hey Man ! I like your Hoodie ! That is some nice shiz. How much was it ?

Talon: Meh like 250 or somthin I got it for Christmas.

Emmett: Yes that is alot but thats the price we must pay for Fashion I guess...

Autum Justine and Kaitlin : Yeah ! Damn Rights ! You Rock !

Emmett: Yeah I'm good. Okay you can like.. Talk now. I guess.

Liam: Thats me. What was your Confrence is Balai Indonesia **(SP?)** About ?

Emmett: Well I went there for a Global Warming Confrence. We basically talked about how it will affect everyone. But Enough with the Boring stuff, I Like Saw Leonardo

Decaprio And George Clooney ! Yeah I know Ahh ! Awsome. I Don't know why they were there. It's like they care apparently or something like that. Their secratary

probably just booked it for them so they like look good. Next !

Amanda: Hello Mr. Cullen My name Is Amanda. How do you feel about the increasing matter of Rapes and Robberies ?

Emmett: Well Lets clear a couple of things up. First It's Not rape if you like it. Am I right ? And Two I know all of you have seen "Borat" Yes. It is true In Canada And United

States Women DO Have the chance to choose who they have sex with Sorry Guys but Yeah. --Aww!'s Are herd from the class-- I think It is wrong. And Discusting. And

good God ! Do you know how much money this country spends on Abortions ? Jesus ! Next !

Amanda: But you didn't finish my Question !

Emmett: Sorry But it is VERY Boring. Suck it up Princess we live in the real world you don't get everything you want.

Guillaume: Hey, My name is French And you won't be able to say it so I'm not going to. If you could vote in the United states Election this year who would you vote for ?

Emmett: Interesting.. Have you notice that like Usually All the President are Old Fat Rich white Guys ? And Most of the time are Bald ? I kinda bugs me. So thankfully this year. No one is a Old Fat Rich Guy ! Haha ! It's amazing. Like Well Lets Hope that Hilary Clinton isn't an Old fat Rich White Guy Or Else Bill has some explaining to do. And Barrack Obhama Is Obviously not White. Or else he's just like.. A Reverse Micheal Jackson And let me be the first to say that One Micheal Jackson in the Worl dis Enough. So Quickly the Answer would me Barrack Ohbhama NEXT !

Shania: Hi Mr. Cullen My Name is Shania and I want to know how you feel about Farmed Salmon.

Emmett: Farmed... Salmon ? Well I don't really Eat Human Food--I Mean Err... Because I am from Mars ! Ahahahahah! No Ah Actually Have you Ever like With you eyes Like REALLy Seen a farmed Salmon ? Yeah It is discusting. It is Like.. Blue... It is making me shiver thinking about it. And they have no room to breathe they stuff so many Salmon into like.. The size of a your gym. I know thats pretty big but Jesus ! There are so many Freaking fish ! Those poor bastards that want some pirvacy to get it on have no room ! And I don't really get the whole fish sex thing. It doesn't really.. work. Cell Phone rings And the ring tone is Stars By the Weepies The Old Navy Remix --Kids give him strange look-- What ? it's a Good song. Meh This is only My agent I don't need to get it.

Shania: If you were Prime Minister Please tell me this isn't how you would Rule your country

Emmett: Oh Shut up ! Next Question

Shannon: Could you please Explain A regular Week as an MP ?

Emmett: What no Name ? Fine I'll call you No Name How'd Ya Like them Apples ? Well ACtually After this I am flying to Vancouver. Them To India Then Back to Vancouver Then to Winnipeg then to Toronto Then Vancouver Then Bella Coola Then Smithers Then Vancouver Then Kentucky Then Vancouver Then China And Vancouver Then Terrace. Yeah. So stick that in your little... Your little Juicy Box's and Suck it ! I am probably going to fly more in this next week then you will in your litte Pathetic Lives. Oh There was This one time I was soo Tired ! I was in Singapoor I was like Okay. I need to get to Singapor ASAP And the Secrataery Was like I'm sorry you rin Singapor Then I'm like Uh I don't think you get It I need to GET to Singapor. The Chick was All Umm I'm Sorry Sir But We are in Singapor Then I looked around And saw all the Welcome to Singapor Signs I'm like.. Oh...Well then. Haha NEXT !

Maryssa: Hi I'm Maryssa How do you Feel about Global Warming ?

Emmett: Okay. Well It is Very Bad. Not only will Some People die. The Rest of us will be like Walking around in Bikini's. And no offence Mr. G For some people it just won't be pretty.The Nudist Beach's will be more populated then ever. Things Will be like Insane. And Some people Just say Big deal so the Ocean will rise like 3 meters. So What ? Well Er News Flash ! There are some countrys Who are like only 3 meters above sea Level It would Be like Taking a bath. Like All the time. Fun right ? Not! Do you know How many Freakin Rubber Duckys China Will need to supply the world with ? I'd rather Not. Next !

Dylan: How do you feel About China's Major Devolping ?

Emmett: Oh My God ! Have you Ever BEEN To China ! It's like Freakin insane. Those little Whiz kids can like Make more Energy in one freakin day then we do in have a year. Ha Yeah ! They Could In my personal opinion Take over the Freakin World Man ! It's scary. They may dress like freaks but They will Blast your ass in a nucleor War. Thats why no one picks on China. My Time is Up ! Huzzah ! Ko Nechi wa **(SP?)** BETCHS ! I'm out !

Mr.Goffinet: Okay. Mr.Cullen Everyone ! He's in town till about 5 minutes. I'd like you all to write comments on him While I go into the Bathroom and Shove my finger down my throat until I puke.

**A/N: **I now It wasn't that Funny. Sorry. Oh Well. But This pretty much was From All of a Conversation from Nathan Cullen. It was Good Times. Everything was from the Convo Except The I don't eat Human food Cas I'm from Mars Shiz That was just cas He is a Vampire Stuff. Reveiws ! I will Love you forever If you do. Thank you SOO Much those of you who Reveiw Almost Every Chapter. Thanks Sooo Much. Remember Out Goal ? 50 Reveiw Were only at 34 So lets make it Happen !


	26. 26 Naked Man ?

**A/N:** Hey... Don't eat me !! Oh, Emm, Gee. Do you realize it has been like 4 months. I am sorry. So right now I will make a promise to myself and to you that I will update at least once a week. So I need you guys to help me by Giving me support and that if I miss a Day you need to get on my Ass and Yell at me. Thanks I Love you guys.

**Bold Yells, **Regular Talk, _Italics Whispers._

--Alice Rosalie and Bella are in the back off Emmetts Jeep looking at the stars it is like 11:37 at night and everytime someone walks by they make noises like they are being raped. But , Kinda like it.--

Bella: Have you ever wondered. Like. How space could possibly go on forever. And they say it is expanding and like. If it is the largest thing, How is it expanding and where

is it expanding into ?

Alice: Shooting star !

Rosalie: Oh, Make a wish.

Bella: Done.

Alice: Oh, Shh There is a person

Everyone Yelling at different Times: Ohh ! Yess ! Ahh! M-m-More ! Stop ! Wait, More !

--The person walks as fast away as he can. His dog is barking--

Bella: I can see he cares that we were getting raped. God.

Rosalie: Who the Hell walks there dog at 11:30 at night anyways.

Alice: Ahh, But ! Who rapes someone in the Open ?

Rosalie: Touche.

Alice: These are the questions we must ask ourselves. --Shrugs shoulders--

Bella: Its so Cold.

Rosalie: Muhaha, We are soo Prepared.

Alice: Oh yeah --Does handshake.--

Bella: Ohh.. I feel left out.

Alice: Of what ?

Bella: The handshake and of what you are talking about.

Rosalie: We brought a Blanket And Pillows ! ! !

Bella: ... . . woooh ? --She says it like "Why am I excited?"--

Alice: I knew you would be cold so We were prepared and brough a blanket.

Bella: I swear there must be a special place in Hevean for people who are your friends.

Alice: Your Just Jelous.

Bella: Actually.. Yeah I am.

Rosalie: I am not going to ask.

Bella: You know I wouldn't be as cold if the sun was out.

Everyone: **Mr.Sun, sun Mr.Golden Sun Please shine down on me!**

Rosalie: **R-r-r-r-remix !! There she go Shaken that ass on the Floor bumpin and Grindin that Pole, I think I'm losing Control !!**

Alice: No. no. Just no Rose. No.

Rosalie: Awwwe...

Bella: Good Try Rose.

Rosalie: Ya know ? I thought so to.

Alice: Whats that strange light? --Sits up and looks at neighboring house-- Hoe Lee Shit.

Bella: What ?

Alice: --Awkwardly.-- Okay.. umm. Ya know that guy who was walking his dog? The One who lives right there ? Yeah umm..they Might want to invest in some curtains for

the bathroom shower window.

Rosalie: **What !** Lemme See !

Bella: Oh, My god.

Rosalie: You do realize we are watching someone shower right ?

Alice: Well once you start you can't really stop.

Bella: Well said Alicikinzikinzikinz

Rosalie: Guys, I need a name.

Alice: Hermm. Rosalikinz ?

Bella: Neh, doesn't flow.

Alice: Got it ! I am genius.

Rosalie: Awsome I get I nickname.

Bella: Great your ganna be in the cool group.

Alice: It is a great name.

Bella: Yup.

--Long scilence--

Bella: ... Are you going to tell us ?

Alice: Oh ! Yeah. Umm. It is... drumroll please... Rosalielie !!

Rosalie: Great job !

Alice: I know hey ?

Bella: Guys ! He's getting out !

Everyone: Ahh... Oh !

**A/N:** Ahahaha ! Good times. Good times. Been there done that. I don't know how interesting it was but review !!


	27. 27 Have you Iced her Pop Tart ?

**A/N:** Well here I am. When I get 4 Reviews fro this chapter I will post the next. Seriously the second I get four. Even if it is like 4:00 am in the morning. I will be there. For you. I will.. Be there. So please. Be there for me ?

--In Edwards Room Just Alice and Edward--

Alice: Soo.. Edward..

Edward: Alice Lets not have this conversation right now.

Alice: Well I am curious.

Edward: Oh I know you are.

Alice:.. So..

Edward: Don't you know this already ?

Alice: Well.. I'm not getting any response from Bella.

Edward: As you should.

Alice: So..

Edward: No. Not yet.

Alice: AHAH !!

Edward: Anything Else.

Alice: Mmhhh... Do you talk about it ?

Edward: .. Yes...

Alice: Do you talk.. Dirty about it ?

Edward: Jesus Alice.

Alice: Well ...?

Edward. We don't usually no.

Alice: .. Usually ?

Edward: I'm not going into Details..

Alice: I'd greatly appriciate it.

Edward: Well I wouldn't

Alice: I can Imagine it now.

Edward: Sweet lord. --Rolls eyes--

Alice:

--Alice's Impersonation--

Edward: How you doin baby Doll

Bella: Hiya Smexy.

Edward: Whatchu Eatin ?

Bella: Pop tart -Winks-

Edward: I'd like to Ice your pop tart

Alice: Or or !

--Alice's Impersonation--

--Bella at a Carnival Edward is the Carny--

Bella: --Looks up shyly-- I'd like one ticket please.

Edward: I dunno If I can give you one But I can _Take _Your ticket in more than on way --Winks--

Edward: Oh Lord.

Alice: I Wonder Who Ice's Pop tarts anyways ?

Edward: Wouldn't that be a Pro ass job ?

**A/N:** That wasn't my best work but I was bored and I was Eating pop Tarts and I was bored.


	28. 28 Cheese Cake

**A/N: **Thank you !! I Love you to.. This really Happened. And there will Be three Parts to it.

--At Angela's (They never hang out enough) Angela, Bella, Alice, Edward and Jasper are there.--

Jasper: Oh ! Em ! Gee ! We have to go to the Mall.

Alice: Only If you promise _NEVER_ to do that ever again.

Jasper: Deal.

Bella: You Guys. We Must Get Cheese Cake.

Edward: --Echanges glance with all the Vampires in the Room-- You know.. Umm Our.. Erm. Cullen Family had like a huge Umm dinner..

Angela: Cut the Crap I know your Vampires.

Alice: --Shoked-- I'm sorry what ?

Angela: Haha ! Had you going didn't I ? Vampires ! Who would have thought of such nonsense.

--Cullens Laugh uncomfortably--

Bella: Kay lets go my Betch's !

Edward: Since when Did my Bella develope such a foul mouth !

Jasper: She's been Spending some time with me and Emmett...

Alice: Shut up ! Lets go.

--On The Street--

Angela: Lets go thought to Bush's.

Bella: That May not be the best way for me.

Edward: It's Okay, Love. I will help you.

Bella: _I swear to god If I break My leg Edward Antho--_

Jasper: Great Idea.

--In some Random Bush's.--

Alice: Okay. Does Anyone Know where the Hell we are ?

Angela: Oh My Gosh ! Light !

--Everyone Rushes to the LIght. Bella Trips and Glares at Edward--

--Ther Emerge on soem highway accross from the Mall--

Jasper: Am I the only one that realizes how wrong this looks ? Comeing from some random bushes, Two Guys three girls. Our hair is all messed up.

Alice: Save that Talk for later --Winks--

Edward: --Explaining to Angela-- They are very open with their _Sexual_ Relationship.

--In the Mall In front on of the Dollar Store--

Bella: Everyone Must get something Princessiish !! in Five minutes. Go !

Edward: What the Hell did she just say?

Jasper: Were wasting Time man !

-- They show up at the counter with a Tiara (Edward) and a Wand (Jasper) A Boa (Angela) Ferry Wings (Alice) and a Balloon for Bella.. Surprise Surprise.

Jasper: That is in NO WAY Princessyish !

**A/N: ** To Be continued !! 5 Reviews For the Next Chapet. GO !!


	29. 29 Cheese Cake American Dragon

**A/N: **I am Back.. I Love you to.. Yes You. Part Two of Three. Ya know what There probably will be more sections than that but What ever.

--Outside By a Bus Stop (Don't ask how that Happened) --

Alice: Lets Sing a Song.

Bella: What Song.

Jasper: Shorty Got LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW

Everyone Except Edward Who is Watchign them Scared: Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans) 

Boots with the fur (with the fur) 

The whole club was looking at her 

She hit the floor (she hit the floor) 

Next thing you know 

Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low 

Them baggy sweat pants 

And the Reebok's with the straps (with the straps) 

She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey) 

She hit the floor (she hit the floor) 

Next thing you know 

Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low 

Edward: Crap !!

--Bus Pulls over to Pick them up--

Everyone Yelling at once: Sorry ! Oops ! We don't need the Bus ! Crop !

Jasper: --To Alice-- Wait. Did you just say _Crop _?

Alice: What ? I was practicing my accent Jasperikinz.

Jasper: This isn't the time my Sex slave.

Edward: Hey. Hey, Save it for the Bedroom. No one here want's to hear how you guys spend your free time.

--Back at Angela's--

Angela: Umm Boys ? You know you can't sleep over here right ?

Alice: So get the Hell out.

Jasper: But.. It's 11:00 at night.. We dont' wanna get Raped..

Alice: Suck it up !

Jasper: Can I ?

Bella: **Save it for the BEDROOM !!**

Alice: Yes Miss... --Bows Head in shame--

Angela: We'll walk you to the bridge.

Edward:.. Fine... :(

--In the empty Mall parking lot--

Angela: We should sing a song..

Everyone Except Edward.. Again:

He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun 

He's young and fast, he's the chosen one 

People, we're not braggin' 

He's the American Dragon 

He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power 

Dragon teeth, dragon tail, Burnin' dragon fire 

A real live wire 

American Dragon!! 

"Dragon Up!" 

American Dragon!! 

"Oh, oh, oh, woah!" 

He's the American Dragon 

(Break down with the Dragon) 

His skills are getting faster with Grandpa the master 

His destiny will walk up streets 

Showtime, baby, for the legacy!! 

American Dragon!! 

From the "J" to the "A" to the "K" to the "E"!! I'm the Mackdaddy 

Dragon of the NYC, ya heard?? 

He's the American Dragon!! 

(Shouted) 

Jake, get back to work!! 

Aw, man!!

Edward: Doudle You Tea Eff Man !!

Jasper: Wow Edward You are Boring.

Edward: THE WROLD HATES ME !!

Alice: Jesus calm down --Whispers to Bella-- _We should proabably buy him some viagra._

Bella: _Oh Deffinatly._

Angela: Okay Guys.. Time to Skedaddle.

Jasper: You don't get alot of Skedaddle these days.

Alice: Leave.

Bella: Now.

**A/N:** Part Three coming soon... 5 Reveiws dammit ! Still waiting. But I want to post this before I forget.


	30. 30 Cheese Cake Prank Phone Calls

**A/N: **Woowww... This is Kinda awkward... Sorry.. it's been a while.. I was reading Breaking Dawn, What can I say. I have an excuse. Lets Get back to the storry ... Soorrryy...

--At Angela's House--

Alice:--Shaking Bakc and forth-- I needd.. ENGERY !!

Bella: Umm Alice may I speak to you alone ?

Alice:--Eye twitches--

Bella: So Is that a yes ...

Alice: Hehehe, The Little bird flys and then Dies...

Bella: Yess... Nooo.. Maybe? -To Angela- Help me !

Angela: But She's your way over there in the corner...

Bella: And..

Angela: I don't want to go over there into the Boonies.

Bella: Did you just say Boonies..

Angela: Yes Boonies.

Bella: No more "Boys In The Hood" For you.

Alice:Spidy Man Spidy Man, Does things that another Spidy Man Can.

Bella: If You are ganna sing it, Sing it right.

--Rosalie Drops from the Sky--

Rosalie: I am so Hot.

Some Random Person: No your not BOO!! --Throws HOt Dog at Her--

Angela: Lets order some Pizza.

Alice: Random... Okay !

--Angela uses the phone in the Other room.--

Bella: Alice ! You can't eat food !

Alice: I'll Just throw it back up later.

Bella: Eeww, Thats discusting.

Alice: I do It all the time After I hunt.

Bella: What ?! Your Bulimic. Can a Vampire even Be Bulimic ?

Alice: --Shoves finger down her Throat-- **I MUST BE SKINNY !!**

Bella: Okay...

--Angela Comes back in--

Angela: I can't find teh freakin Number to "Pizzarama, Your pizzaria Near you !"

Alice: 1) You just said the whole slogan 2) Your looking in a 2001 phonebook and 3) You looking in the Seattle Phonebook.

Angela: I knew that...

Bella: I WANT REDBULL!

Alice:I WANT MONSTER... Jasper's...

Bella: Oh Good lord.

Alice: Would we be aloud to go walk tot he store and get some ?

Angela: Probaby not...

Bella: .. I wonder...

Alice:--Has a Vision-- Ooohhh I good Idea, And It will work too !

Angela: How do you know what she is talking baout and how do you know it will work ?

Alice:... A reallly good guess?

Bella: Let me phone the Pizza Guy...

--Grabs phone and Dials--

Mike: Hello Pizzarama your Pizz

aria near you! Mike speaking How may I help you today ?

Bella: Mike ? Since when do you work at Pizzarama...

Mike: Just beca

use my parents own the hiking store doesn't mean they can't fire me.

Bella: Wow.. --Persuasivly-- Oh Miky Poo ?

Mike: -- Dreamily-- Y-y-yes Bella ?

Bella: If we order a pizza

will you go to the store and pick us up 3 large Monsters ??

Mike: What ever you say.

Bella: Thanks Mike...

Bella: That was easy.

Alice: So I guess we shouldn't be excpecting the cute pizza guy?

Bella: Nope.

Angela: He's a great kisser?

Bella: Angela !!

Angela: Not mike !! The other Pizza Guy!

Alice: You have a Boy Friend.

Angela: And your Married !!

Bella: You cheated on Jasper !?

Alice: Pshhh !! ... Maybe.

Bella: The world these days.

Doorbell:

_**DINGDONG... **_

_**DINGDONG...**_

_**JESUS CHRIST ANSWER YOUR FUCKING DOOR !!**_

Bella: Holy Shit! your doorbell is hard core.

Angela: People have been pushing his button alot lately.

Alice: HAHAH I get it cas it's true.

--They get the Pizza--

--Cell Phone Rings--

Alice: Hello?

--Muffled--

_Jasper: This is Burger Kind, Umm your whopper is ready to be picked up_

Alice: Is that so ?

--Puts him on speaker Phone--

Alice: Jasper I know it's you.

_Jasper: You always have to ruin my fun !!_

Alice: We can still have a fun time... What are you wearing ?

_Jasper: Nothinngg... But my hand on my cock ! Oh burn !_

Bella: Umm Hey Jasper

Angela: Hey there Jasperikinz...

_Jasper: Ohh, I see I am on speak phone..._

Bella: Indeed.

_Jasper: This is Kind of awkward..._

Angela: A bit yes.

_Jasper: Umm Edward It's your turn to talk. Bella Is on the phone._

_Edward: Hey baby, Did it hurt?_

Bella: Did What hurt ? --To Alice and Angela-- _The oldest pick up line in the book "Did it hurt ?" "Did what hurt?" "When You Fell _

_from heavan" BS!!_

_Edward: When I had my dick in your ass !! OH BURN !!_

Alice and Angela at the Same time: Hey there Edward.

_Edward: Speaker phone DAMMIT !! Jasper !_

--Hang Up--

Alice: Horny Bastards.

**A/N: **There you go, last part of that story, I'll see what Else I can come up with, Suggestions are MORE that welcome. Challenges as well are great ! 5 Comments on this Chapter, You did it last chapter !


	31. 31 Mrs EdwardMasenCullen

**A/N: ** Muhaha !! YOu are SOOO ON Ms.EdwardMasenCullen Lets Go, !! Man stink, Wrinkle Cream, Klenex Boxes and Furti-Lome Yeild Booster? Pshh CHILDS PLAY !! I must addmit I had to google WTF Furti-Lome Yeild Booster was.

--Cullens house--

Emmett: --Mission Impossible Theme Song-- Dun a Nuhh Dun a Nuhh Dundun Dun DUNDUNDUNDUN DUNDUN !!

Bella: _Edward, What is he doing ??_

Edward: He's been acting like James Bond for Days now.

Bella: Okay.. If He is acting like James Band then why is he singing the Mission impossible theme song?

Edward: Oh Yeah the James Bond theme song Goes Dun Na NA NA !!

Bella: Your know our readers Have No Idea what we are humming becasue it just looks like a bunch of Duh Na's to them..

Edward: So very Sad...

Bella: Lets go Skipping !!

Alice: --Slow Motion-- NEEWWWOOOO !!

--Jumps in Front of Bells As she is Skipping because she trips is going to fall But really

Bella wasn't going to fall So by Jumping She Made Bella Fall, Some Fortune Teller Pshh !--

Edward: What The Hell Alice ! She wasn't Even Ganna Fall, And you didn't even have a vision

Bella: Stay Away from here Edward...

Edward: Why..?

Bella: Cas I am **Bleeding !!** Muhahah..

Alice: Umm No your not, You just randomly pulled out a Red Marker and drew all over your arm, See ? You even drew a Smiley Face.

Bella: Well... EDWARD HAD MAN STINK !!

Edward: ** Why must the world be so Cruel !!** --Run away--

Bella: What's with Him ?

Alice: You just said he stank.

Bella: But it is a Lovely Man stink.

Edward: --Leans out from behind a random bush in the kitchen-- You really mean it ?

Bella: Course I do Silly willy !

Edward: Awwe My little gooseywoosy !

--Rubbing Noses together--

Alice: No more please.

Bella: Eddikinz ?? May I please still have a Bani-Aidddee?

Edward: Why ? Your not even Bleeding?

Bella: Beecauusee... _"I am stuck on Band-Aid Brand Cas Band-Aids Help heal Me!"_

Edward: Wow.. Sure...

--Go to Medicine Cabinet--

Alice: Lets see.. Pepto Bismal, Pro Active, Wrinkle Cream..

Edward: Wrinkle Cream ? What the Hell.

Jasper: --Runs Down stairs Opens Wrinkle cream puts some on his hands and rubbs it all over his face-- WAAHHH !! Alice? Is my

skin smoothe??

Alice: --Sighs-- Yes Jasper.

Jasper: Smooth as a Babies Bottom ??

Alice: Yes Jasper.

Jasper: --Rubs His Cheek of her Neck Then runs away.--

Alice: Jasper has Self Confidence Issues.

Bella: Ahh, I see.

Alice: Tylonal, Ferti-Lome Yeild Booster

Edward: Say what now ?

Bella: It is Intesticide, Pestiscide and any other kind of "Cide" You can think of. Please contact manager for information about pet

poisoning

Rosalie: **PEARLZ !!**

Emmet: Come back to bed !

Edward: I guess there are No Band-Aids

Bella: Then we Must settle for Klenex and Tape.

Emmett: Can't I made a Fort out of Kleenex Boxes.

Alice: Weren't you just screwing Rosalie?

Emmett: Doi !! In the Kleenex Box Fort !!

Edward: Tell Carlisle to Notify Esme to NEVER USe those Boxes EVER again.

**A/N:** I know, I know not My best work. but I completed the Challenge MUAHAH !! REVEIWS REVEIWS REVEIWS


	32. 32 E Harmony

A/N: Hey Guys

**A/N:** Hey Guys. You know how I was requesting 5 reviews per chapter? You know how It doesn't usually happen, I usually just get like 3 ? But I Just post them anyways. But You know what I noticed? That umm More than three people read each chapter, Wouldn't it be great if every person who reads this decided to REVEIWED IT !! I don't care actually what you say, flames, challenges, Good things, What you are last for dinner, Anything. Hinty Hint Hint Hint !!

--On the T.V. Yeah, That's right… ON THE FREAKIN TELE VISION…--

--E Harmony Commercial, There is a hot tub and Three Hot girls are sitting down in it with a phone—

Rosalie: Hey, Were sitting in the Hot Tub and we are extremely hot.

Alice: Tonight we are calling E Harmony because we have nothing better to do

Bella: Even though we are stinking hot we could be out face to face and actually

get some action.

Rosalie: Instead we are staying at home to talk to some random old guys on the

phone.

Alice: And we are just the spokes women so we are most likely not going to look

like this.

Bella: Hey girls?

Alice And Rosalie: Hey what?

Bella: Why do we have a phone in the water? We could get electrocuted 

Rosalie: Because We are hot like that.

Alice: Oh You know it.

--Interactive Male Commercial There is a white backround (This section is not

meant to be offensive in anyway, Like I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings)—

Edward: I'm interesting

Emmett: I'm smart

Edward: I am Caring

Emmett: And I'm looking for someone to chat with

Edward: Yes you can phone, and there will always be someone to.

Emmett: Hey ! Cut !! Okay, Um Edward?

Edward: Yes Emmett.

Emmett: Are we Uhh.. Supposed to be gay ?

Edward: Umm… I am thinking so.

Emmett: Okay well this is interesting.

Edward: Why ?

Emmett: I meant to say it earlier But uhh…

Edward: You didn't.

Emmett: I did I'm sorry.

Edward: You screwed the MALE director to get this role !

Emmett: It worked.

Edward: I'm sorry That's wear I Draw the Line.

**A/N:** I know that chapter wasn't that Great It just HAD to be done. It was A little

funny.

Jasper: **How come I didn't get a line !! I screwed the Director too !!**

Director: 'Cas you don't give a good Blow Job

Jasper: Maybe It's cas I've never Given one before because I like WOMEN !!

Emmett: --Giggles--


	33. 33 Sexy Time with Carlisle

**A/N:** Thanks to wantingedwardcullen for My weirdest Chapter award on chapter 32. What Up? I have a whole bunch of new 3 other new chapters ready so if you are good with reviews I will unleash or else… Oh, FYI My name is Aundrea, You will need to know that for this chapter.

-- Alice&Jasper, Edward&Bella, Emmett&Rosalie are all in the Cullen Living room. Big freakin surprise, They are rarely at Bella's seriously what the hell. Although. I Guess I _do_ write it so that they are always at the Cullens… Hmm. I'll have to ponder this.—

Alice: Bella?

Bella: Alice?

Alice: Bella?

Bella: Alice?

Alice: Bella?

Bella: Alice?

Edward: Shut up !

Bella: Did you just tell me to shut up?

Edward: No watching me sleep tonight !

Rosalie: That was the weirdest sentence ever.

Alice:1,2,3

Bella&Alice: **Cas there ain't no party like an Alcoholic Party !**

**Ain't no Party like an Alcoholic party !!**

Edward: That's it !! Aundrea? We need to have a chat.

Me: Yes Edward?

Edward: I Dealt with the fucking singing through chapter 15, 28 and 29, If I hear

one more Chorus I am ditching these shitty ass stories.

Me: umm, You can't leave.

Edward: Ugh, Yes I can

Me: Dumb Ass I write the stories **A/N: I do Not own Twilight Obviously. Like really.**

Edward:… Seriously

Me: Yep.

Edward: Well… We at least not sing anymore

Me: I'll make an effort, but I can't promise you anything.

Edward: Fine well… Can I have a hug?

Me: I can write you one, Because you know, As Much as I would like to hug you,

you don't exist.

Edward: Fine I guess that will work

--Edward Hugs me—

Edward: See now that wasn't so hard was it ?

Me: I'll put you on Inter-Active Male Again I swear I will.

Edward: Okay, Okay.

Emmett: Disco… BALLS !! HAHAHA Boobies.

--Carlisle Comes down stairs—

Carlisle: Listen, Umm since Everyone is hear, I though this would be kind of a

good time to have a chat.

Jasper: Oh, About what ?

Edward: Do we have to ?

Alice: I would rather not.

Bella: And for those who don't have freakishly amazing powers, We are talking

about what ?

Carlisle: The Birds and The Bee's.

Emmett: Oh ! Oh ! I know, The bee's take nectar from flowers, right ?

Carlisle: We won't be talking about flowers, and more about _de-_flowering.

Rosalie: What a lovely topic, lets change it now.

Carlisle: First we will talk about Oral Sex.

Jasper: Why does that remind me of Dental Hygiene ?

Alice: Lets not go there Today Jasper.

Carlisle: Now Lets make up nicknames… Umm boys you have a .. leash. And

girls you have poodles. When you have been with someone for a long time, you

start to feel attracted to them, and start wanting to touch them in different spots.

Then when It come to putting the Leash on the Poodle.

Bella: You have just destroyed a very beautiful creature for me Carlisle.

Rosalie: You know what Carlisle ? I think We have some virus's on our computer.

And I think I need to upload to anti-virus on it.

Carlisle: No, You don't. Anyways, Cleaning the Poodle.

Jasper: I have a rare fungus on my feet. I need to go spray some "Tough Actin'

Tin Actin" On it.

Carlisle: You people ! Better sit down and listen to what I have to say or…. Or…

Edward: Or what?

Carlisle: Or else –Strips off clothes and is in a Banana Suit—**It's peanut Butter **

**Jelly Time ! Peanut Butter Jelly Time !!**

Edward: Fuck It I'm out !

**A/N:** Hmmmm It was okay. Don't worry I will make sure Edward comes back –Cracks Knuckles—They always do… MUHAHA _**REVIEWS !!**_


	34. 34 Neon Lights and Caribou Lou

A/N: I told you I had more…

**A/N: ** I told you I had more…

--Bella's Room… Ahh, Now We are at her house, Oh yeah, I am a genius.It's just

Bella and Edward laying on her bed, Doing there Edward and Bella thing.—

Bella: So Edward

Edward: Uh Yeah ?

Bella: I heard you talking on the phone the other day.

Edward: Is that so. 

Bella: Mmmhmm

Edward:Ohh…

Bella: Tell me what you and Orlando Round a Bout have going on Or else we are

OVER

Edward: It was just a simple one night stand back when I liked Men again

Bella: What ? You liked men ! Again ?! You liked Men more than Once ?!

Edward: Yes, but I am officially straight now. Now That I found you.

Bella: How did you Meet This Orlando.

Edward: Well…

--Flash Back--

--Edward, At a Bar And there are Neon Lights everywhere—

Edward:Yo,yo,yo Wanna buy so Cracka Jacks !

Radom person: Were not at a ball game fruit cake !

Edward: Well, were not at a guy bar idiot !

Random Person: Umm Yes we are Dumb Shizznizle.

Edward: What Ev. –Goes and sits by Bar—

Orlando: Hey Sexuh, You gots yourself wrapped around you don't cha pretty boy.

Edward: may I help you

Orlando: Oh, come on I am just trying to bring the party to you sex machine.

Edward: Fetch me a 60 watt light bulb and I will think about letting you do me.

Orlando: Seriously, that's all ?

Edward: Yeah.

Orlando: Oh, Okay. – Light bulb come out his Ass—

Edward: Eeewie !

Orlando: yes or no.

Edward: No !

Orlando: Okay them sweetie Mango.

Edward: What happened to sweetie Pie ?

Orlando: It died.

Edward: I see.

Orlando: Want a drink?

Edward: No

Tech N9ne: 1 51 rum Pinnapple Juice and Malibu Caribu get them all numb.

Edward: The Vioces are enough but now they sing ?

Orlando: Lets Cromp.

Edward: Okay.

Bella: --To Me—Can you Believe I married this kid ?

**A/N: **I know not my best work. But At least review me and tell me how bad it is. Thank you to those fans who Review Every Chapter ! I will come up with a list next chapter so Maybe that will give you some incentive to do something with you lives, like namely _**REVIEW MY STORY ?! **_


	35. 35 MrsEdwardMasenCullen Challenge !

**A/N: ** Oh Yeah, Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen It is ON Till the Break of Dawn, Which came out 3 days ago :)

Rocky's Auto Sales, Wels Fargo, The Denver Bronco's and Carnation Flower Pens.

--At The Dolar Store--

Emmett: Fuck this shit !

Bella: Emmett ! Language.

Alice: I aggree with him

Bella: Why !

Edward: Nelson.

Bella: Is it just me or did he get a sex change.

Nelson: Ello Darling !

Bella: Holy shit this is weird.

Alice: BELLA !

Bella: Hmm..

Emmett: Carnation Flower Pens !

Alice: No way !

Bella: Way !

Emmet: It's Like a garden.

Alice: I know !

Bella: Lets jack this shit !

Emmett: J to the A to The C To the K !!

Alice: NOpe sorry guys.

Bella: What ?

Alice: We'll get caught.

Emmett: Then we shall Buy them !

Bella: Muhaha !

Nelson-ita: That Will Be 240.67

Alice: Psh.. Some Dollar Store.

--Leave Store--

Bella: guys, What are we doing with 240 Carnation Pens ?

Alice: I have an Idea ! To the Wels Fargo Mobile !

Emmett: Okay, Alice, We don't have a Wel's Fargo Mobile. And it's a banking Place.

Alice: Fine, Lets go Rob it !

Bella: Okay!

--At Wel's Fargo--

Emmett: This is a stick up !

Alice: Fill the bag and I won't shoot your ass.

Accountant: You have no Gun.

Emmett: Dammit I knew we were missing something !

Accountant: Is there any other way I can help you ?

Emmett: Actually Could I have a large bag please ?

Accountant: Sure can.

--Hands Emmett the Bag--

Emmett: --Sticks it over his head and tries to sufficate himself.

Bella: You can't sufficate. Idiot.

Alice: Pshh..

Emmett: I beg to Differ.

Bella: What the fuck do we do with these flowers.

Alice: First I must Get a Wel's Fargo Mobile !

Emmett: To Rocky's Auto Sales !

--At Rocky's Auto Sales--

Alice: We Are looking for a car with a cloaking device.

Emmett: And with rockets that shoot out the back.

Bella: You have a shiny Tie.

Rocky: Well... Thank you ?

Alice: We need That Vehicle !

Emmett: Now !

Alice: I will drink your blood I swear I will.

Rocky: We have a Blue Punch buggy ?

Alice: Deal !

--Ridding in the Wel's Fargo Mobile--

Emmett: What about the Flowers ?

Bella: To Colarado !!

Alice: But why ?

Emmett: Shut up and Drive !

Rihanna: Hey guys ? Mind if I come with you ?

Bella: Sorry Not enough room.

Alice: --Hits the accelorater--

Emmett: Did you just say no to Rihanna?

Bella: Pretty much yeah.

--In Colarado--

Bella: To The Denver Broncos Football Staduim !

Emmett: What she said !

--At the Stadium--

Alice: What the Hell are we doing here?

Bella: i Don't know i was hoping you would figure it out.

Emmett: OH MOI GIDDY GOSH ! Take the flowers the the center of the feild.

--On the feild--

--Emmett Takes a pen and shoves it into the ground.--

Emmett: Ta da !!

--They take all the flowers and shove them into the ground.--

Alice: Muhaha A pen Garden !

Edward: Someone Blow me !\

**A/N: ** Mechh NOt my best challenge Yet. But still It was kind of glorious. Okay ! Your turn Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen Let me see. **Forst, Barb Wire, Clinique Fall Magazine, Slaughter Houses and Nail Clippings ! GO !**


	36. 36 Private TiddilyWink

**A/N** I would like to Thank tasha8694 And Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen And Kitty00Kat and twilightSpoons and MaryAliceBrandonCullenisme for almost reveiwing EVERY TIME !! If I missed you name, Tell me through a reveiw and I will double check. When people start constantly reveiwing I will feature you name. Thank you. Oh, And If you Haven't Seen Sweeney Todd One part Might not make as Much sense to you as it would to someone who has, But it is Funny all the same.

--Up Stairs in the Cullen Hallway. What Can I say, The Cullens is Happening.--

Jasper: Dammit Private Tiddaly Wink !! We said you must use the Binoculars !

Edward: Okay, Let me be the first to say Double You Tee Eff.

Bella: How did you just say that ?

Edward: What do you mean? I said it with my mouth. Like normal people do. Well... Then there is Emmett

--flashes to Emmett Talking with his hand--

Bella: No I mean did you Like Inicial It As in The Letter W and the Letter T and The Letter F?

Edward: I'm not following you.

Bella: Or did you say it, Like the word Double, and then the word You.

Edward: Umm... I think the words?

Me: Yep, Yuh Did.

Edward: Yea! I guess, What she said.

Bella: Okay, Now that we have established that, What the Hell is Jasper doing.

Jasper: Oh Pixi Sticks !! My Blue Marker is in there territory !

Edward: he is Playing Combat.

Bella: With Diddaly Winks and Markers?

Edward: Esme Pulled the old _"Your Birthday is in a Month, Just wait"_ When he asked for Military soldier action figures.

Bella: You mean like when you asked for a new Holiday Barbie.

Edward: Who told you?!

Bella: Emmett. --Points to Emmett in the other room--

Emmett: --Caressing Magic Eraser Singing Scooby Doo Theme Song--

Emmet: What the Hell are you looking at ! --His Eyes do the Side to Side thingy Then his eyes rest on his Magic Eraser--

--Everyone Looks at His Eraser--

Emmett: Jasper?

Jasper: Yes.

Emmett: Do Come here.

Jasper: Right away. --to his toys-- Sargent Slushie Head, You keep and Eye on the tin foil Kingdom.

Emmett: Did You just _gander_ at my Eraser?

Jasper: No Sir.

Emmett: Yes sir you _**GANDERED**_ At it!

Jasper: I meant No Harm

Emmett: Sure, You young men and your untameable _GANDERING _ Eyes.

Rosalie: MUST EAT BABY !

Bella: Excuse me ?

Rosalie: Hmm ?

Bella: What ?

Rosalie: Ahh...

Bella:Whadda?

Rosalie: **Edward and Bella Having Sex in a Boat !!**

Bella: Excuse me ?

Rosalie:Hmm?

Bella:What?

Rosalie:Ahhh

Bella: Whadda?

Alice: Here's You red Crayon I borrowed Bella.

Bella: Thank you.

**A/N: ** Haha, Good times. The Whole Gandered thing was from Sweeney Todd. REVEIWS !! And I will Complete your Challenge If YOu give me one.


	37. 37 Baby Sitter of The Month

Breaking Dawn Spoilers Ahead… Breaking Dawn Spoilers Ahead…

**A/N:** Oh, My Gosh. I would like to give Daniela April Cullen The hugest thank you for these constant reviews and appraises. And of course My _Lov_-ely Rival, Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen If you haven't started reading "Bite Me!" Go start. Then there is tasha8694 and twilightspoons By the was _amazing name._ And then kittaykat008 I think I got the last part of your name wrong, sorry I am on a laptop with no internet. If you would like you name posted, _**Keep reading and Reviewing !!**_I must admit you guys have been pretty good lately But there is always room for Improvement, And I am More than willing to check out your story and leave a review. See ? That's what Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen Did and Now we are having fun challenging each other back and forth. I'm sure if she were here she would say yes but she's not. Just pretend I have a sock puppet of her. Okay ? Sorry for kind of like Just venting on you like that. You know I love you guys right ?! **Important!!** Okay I know you might be confused as to if Bella is living with the Cullens or not, If she is Vampish or sans Vampish, She is with the Cullens as of this chapter and Vampiric.

--Under Edward and Bella's Bed **A/N:**Oooo! It feels so weird saying that!--

Edward: What the Hell are we doing Alice ?

Alice: Electricity is a powerful thing.

Bella: …. No comment

Edward: Bella?

Bella: Pshhh

Alice: Who knew it could electrocute Vampires !

Edward: Oh Em Gee !! Alice You Broke her !

Alice: Well she is Just as, if not more durable than you !

Edward: Jesus !

Bella: --Eyes are all fuzzy—

Edward: Alice !

Alice: Welcome to Taco Bell may I help you ?

Edward: What ? 

Bella: Electro Poppin !

Edward: Oh My god, She died and came back as a Gangster !

Alice: Nurr uhh !

Bella: Its just a good song,

Edward: I am So confused. –To you—I Don't blame you if you don't under stand

this chapter, We can go to therapy together.

Bella: Feelin like it's getting hot, Come on baby what you got

Edward: Wow, Bella. In front of Alice. Kinky.

Bella: It's the lyrics.

Alice: HAHAH!! Wait…

--Long silence, Alice BURTS out laughing—

Alice: Turns out I get Satellite on these things!

Bella: What ?

Alice: --Points to Cheetah ears on her head—

Edward: I swear to god those were not there like 30 seconds ago, and she didn't

leave.

Bella: She's a witch!!

Edward: Back to the Insane Asylum for you Missy May.

Alice: No! They make you play Tetris there!

Bella: What the Hell.

Edward: There's no Joke there, Bella. Tetris is a patriot belonging to evil forces.

Bella: --Deranged look—Things will never be the same in foggy forks…

Alice:--Screaming—Oh My god, The Loch Ness Monster Scares the shit out of

me.

Edward: Speaking of Ness. Where the Hell is our daughter?

Bella: Jasper is baby-sitting Her

--Down stairs in the Living Room—

Jasper: So what do you think Nessie?

Nessie:--Puts her hand to Jaspers cheek—

Jasper: I completely Agree, Mr. Potato Head's shorts _should_ belong to the

Outlaw Astronauts.

Nessie:--Puts her hand to Jaspers cheek—

Jasper: Yep, That means he is just under cover on the base of the king Foil

Kingdom.

--Back up in the room—

Edward: I see.

Bella: Edward, You know what I miss about being human?

Edward: DAMMIT!! I knew you would want to change, that's it were changing

You back.

Bella: First Of all, That's not possible, Second of all I miss Eating Beuno Kinder

Chocolate bars. And Third… I haven't thought of a third yet.

Alice: You wear sexy pants.

Bella: Yes that…

Alice: No I meant you.

Bella: Oh well thank you…. Wait !!

Alice: Jay Kay !! Jasper is the only one my eyes fall for.

Bella: Oh… Good.

Alice: But if something happens to Jasper… --Winks and clicks her tongue twice

at Bella --

Bella: Edward Help…

Edward: What Bella…. –In His Head—Holly shit this is getting me hot!

_**CRASH !!**_

_**BOOM!!**_

--Downstairs, In the same room Renesmee and Jasper are playing the Wall

Crashes in—

Jacob: --In Tighty Whities and a Red cape— WEL--!!

--Someone Pushes him to the ground—

CoolAid Dude: **OH YEAH !!**

**A/N: **I know right? Random, Stupid ? Yep. That's how bored I am. Reviews… I love you.


	38. 38 The Great War of the Tin Foil Kingdom

**A/N:** Heeeyyyloo !! I would like to Thank some more people JBizz and Twilightgirl717 and Immortal-Vampire-Lover for reveiwing !! And of course everyone else that I haven't mentioned. This Chapter was very hard to write, especially the Freaking Battle Chart !! 3 Days !! Dee-amm it was hard. And just so we are ont he same page, This is the Great War over the Tin Foil Kingdom !! This will be from the Toys Point of Veiw.

Outlaw Astronauts Coach is Commander Jasper Whitlock.

And The Silly Tea Cups Commanders are Sir Jacob (I can't remember his last name someone Tell me I think it is Ephrium.) Black and Miss Renesmee Carlie Cullen

--Jaspers Battle Chart--

O

S

U

I

T

L

L

_S_

_G_

_P_

_G_

_S_

_G_

L

A

Y

W

T

A

T

I

N

E

S

_P_

_T_

_W_

**T**

**B**

**C**

F

O

I

L

**C**

**S**

**H**

_E_

_S_

_C_

A

T

K

I

N

G

D

O

M

C

R

U

O

P

N

S

A

_C_

_T_

_C_

_M_

_P_

_H_

_P_

U

T

S

Legend

Team Leaders- The Big Cheese**TBC **Captain Slushie Head**CSH**

Army- Sergeant Giant Piano _SGP_ General Slim Glue _GSG_

Private Tiddily Winks_PTW_ Elsey Slimy Cactus _ESC_

Mr.PotatoHeads Pants_MPHP _Colonel Tiny Cardboard_CTC_

--In the Cullen Living Room Form the Toys Point of Veiw The Silly Teacups side--

Captain Slushie Head: Dammit They are Getting Closer!

Nessie:ELSEY !! Move!

Elsey: I can't ! We are running out of Oranges !

Jacob: You Heard her Move it !

General Slim Glue: But We can't !

Captain: You listen to me General and you Listen Good. They are Invading and We cannot lose it again ! We left our Hoes and Bitches

in that Kingdom and we must reclaim it !

General: Yes Sir.

Colonel: Where Do I Head Sire?

Jacob: I dunno, thats a tough one. Nessie what do you think ?

Nessie: Take The Entrance.

Colonel: Yes Miss!

--OutLaws Astronauts--

Jasper: Mr.Potato Heads Pants ! I told you to go undercover as a blade of grass !

Pants: But Sir,

Jasper: Do NOT Question me !

Sergant Giant Piano: We need Priavte Tiddily Winks to Start Pulling his Weight Big cheese.

Big Cheese:... We can't lose another soldier.

Tiddily Winks: I BROKE THROUGH !!

Jasper: Finally Some action around here !

Pants: I am Heading out to the Kingdom.

--Real Life--

Emmett: Watcha Doing ?

Jasper: Please Leave the last thing we need is for the Battle feild to be distroied.

Emmett: You mean like this ? --Starts Jumping around on All the Soldier and The Tin Foil Kingdom--

Nessie: THAT WASN"T NICE !! -srats Crying--

--Rosalie Comes downstairs--

Rosalie: What the Hell did you do to her !

Jacob: Emmett Ruined our game !

Rosalie: --Hisses-- Bella Trusted me to Take care of her and Jacob while Her and Edward were On a second HoneyMoon.

Jacob: Yeah Emmett! Wait, She told you to take care of _me ?_

Rosalie: Oh She knew you could take care of Renesmee She just wanted to make you didn't Kill Leah.

Jacob: --Nods Knowingly-- Oh, I guess well that's Understandable.

Nessie: Puts her Hand to Rosalielies Cheak.

Rosalie: ... Hmm I don't know where Jasper went.

--In The Back yard, It's raining and there is slow sad music on--

Jasper: --On His Knees-- NO!! --Sobbing-- They were soo young !!

**A/N:** Yeah I know this one wasn't that Great, But That Chart was pretty amazing you Have to admit. Reveiws !!


	39. 39 Naughty Nurse Emmett

A/N: Heeyyy Guys

**A/N:** Heeyyy Guys. You have been doing very well with reviews and I would just like to make Emmett Give you all a great big Hug!

Emmett: Okay I'm doing what?

Me: Hugging them.

Emmett: But…. I don't see them.

Me. Oh Their there. There _everywhere…_

Emmett: --Like the Kid form 6th Sense—_I see Fan People_

Me:--Pats his shoulder—Yes, You do.

TeeHee, Lets get to the Story.

--In the Kitchen—

Alice: I have been thinking.

Bella: Wow… That doesn't happen to often.

Alice: I know right ?

Bella: -To herself- _The people I live with…_

Alice: Anyways, I was wondering.. Hey ? Whats that noise?

--Realize by Colbie Callat Playing softly in the back round—

Bella: Where the hell is that coming from ?

Alice: Lets go find out !

--They change into mechanics outfits and have banjo's in their arms.—

Bella: Lets go !

Alice: Wait, Why did we just change into retarded outfits ? And I don't even play

the banjo.

Bella: Because your orange crush lovin ain't enough for me _BAAYY-_Bay !

Alice: Is that like from a song or something ?

Bella: Uhh, No it was just in the script.

Alice: Oh I see. Anyways ! Let's go !

--Bella and Alice open the Garage Edward only to find him side stepping in a

naughty nurse's outfit applying bright red lipstick with _Realize_ Blasting in the

backround—

Emmett:…. Its Exactly what it look's like.

Alice: _Were ganna leave now._

--In Emmett and Roses Room—

Bella: Oh Rosalielie !!

Rosalie: Why Yes Bella.

Bella: Do you mind if we rape you Husbands Closet ?

Rosalie: … This is an awkward position.

Alice: Not Literally Rose !

Rosalie: --Realeases a Huge Breath—Oh, Thank God, Okay, Go for it.

Bella: Okay, So what Are we doing now ?

Alice: I need Blue Jeans, A Pumpkin Pie and a Blue's Clues Swing.

Bella: Alrighty Then. –Starts Taking off her Blue Jeans—

Alice: Bella !! Wow ! Put them back on!

Bella: Well ! You said you wanted Jeans !

Alice: Oh Me Gosh ! Just …no.

-- 1.Hour.Later.—

Emmett: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE !!

Rosalie: Come back to Bed !

Emmett: My Closet Has Been Raped !

--Outside, On a Blues Clues Swing Lay All of Emmett's Blue Jeans With Pumpkin

Pie Shoved into the pockets—

Emmett: --Looks that Camera Directly in the Lens— Pedophiles. Anyone would

be a Pedophile. Even You.

**A/N: ** I Know I know this Chapter wasn't that great, But I am bored and have nothing better to do. Reveiws !!


	40. 40 Purple Horse

A/N: Oh, EM GEE

**A/N:** Oh, EM GEE!! I have Chicken Pox You guys!! Some one do some kind of Voodoo Thing for me! Make me like a little sexy hat or something, My Mom is Pregnant and I don't want the baby to get sick, oh Yeah ! and If I don't update for a little while the baby is most likely Decided to come out ! Waahh !! OH MY GOD !! I know you are not going to believe thing but right as I was finishing that last sentence My Moms Water broke, But her contractions haven't started yet, So I will most likely finish this Chapter in the Hospital !! EEKK !!

--In the Cullen Living Room—

Jasper: That Fan looks rather enjoyable.

Edward: What did you just say ?

Jasper: Man, I would like to ride that thing !

Alice: Jasper, We need to have a chat.

Jasper: I Mean I would like to grab it and Ride it in a circle.

—Everyone Raises Eyebrow—

Jasper: You people are immature.

Emmett: But… It's purple.

Bella: Like a big purple horse.

Jasper: Yes, The Purple horse.

Rosalie: You ride that horse Jasper.

Jasper: I think I will.

—He Jumps up and grabs onto the blade and swings around in a circle Then

flies off A random Tom cat appears then he falls into it. And it makes that weird

MEEOOOWWW!! Crazy Meow kind of thing—

Jasper: OH MY GOD MY FREAKIN EYE !!

—The purple blade is sticking out of his left eye—

Alice:--Filing Nails—Men.

Emmett:--He is Holding a News Paper and Is Smoking a Cigar-- By gosh ! I think

that There is a large blunt object sticking out of your left seeing article. –Blows

smoke rings—

Edward: It's called a fucking eye you retard.

Bella: Isn't there like a scientific name for the "Eye"

Rosalie: Well, I Know there is the Cornea and the Pupil,

Alice: Okay, So, There is the Tear ducts

--Everyone Talking at once about Eyes—

Jasper: **AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING !**

Alice: Man up honey.

Jasper: I swear to God I will Shove this thing in your eye !

Alice: I Dare you.

Jasper:--Whimpers—

Edward: Okay Jasper Meet us up stairs in Carlisle's Office and Take you pants

off.

Jasper: --Silence—

Edward: You know All the _good_ doctors say that.

Emmett: --Whispers to Alice—_I'm surprised he hasn't pulled the "Relax, I'm a _

_doctor" Yet._

Alice:--giggles—

Jasper: I don't know if you have notice yet, But uh, THERE IS AN OBJECT IN

MY EYE !!

Bella: Not now, Tom Cat.

Tom Cat: _**MEEEOOOWWW !!**_

**A/N:** Hey guys. This will probably be My last post for a while. Ya know, Baby, But I will try My hardest…. Reveiwss !!


	41. 41 Carlisle's Cheetah Print Thong

**A/N:** God, I love you guys. I have another Challenge !! Staple guns, ash trays, Coaster Depot, Beanie Babies, and Guitar Hero! Coaster Depot Hmm? Well This will be interesting to try and come up with What the hell that is ! Thank you Mrs.EdwardMasenCullen For my Challenge.

--In the Back Yard. Emmett, Jasper and Edward are all there, Edward is on a Large Lawn mower With A large Beanie Baby Collection sititng next do him. Jasper is Climbing a tree and Emmett is... Being Emmett--

Edward: --To a Dark haired Doll-- Would you like to go for a ride Theresa? Yes we are going to Mow the Lawn !!

Emmett: --scoffs-- Freak.

Edward: Lets Go girls !!

Emmett: Get out of the yard, I want to play frisbee.

Edward: No, I promised the girls I would mow the Lawn.

Emmett: Bella, Rose and Alice, Won't care if you mow the lawn.

Edward: I meant Them --Gesturing to his large collection of beanie babies--

Emmett: Edward, They are stuffed with beans and Fluff.

Edward: No, They aren't, They have feelings to.

Emmett: Whatever.

Edward: Hey I don't say anything about your collection of Power Rangers Barbies.

Emmett: They're called Action Figures, And I don't Have three collections.

Edward: What is the third ?

Emmett: Wel, there is your beanie babies, Holiday barbies and Porcelin Dolls.

Edward: I inherited those, It doesn't count.

Emmett: You haven't Sold them, or given them to Bella yet,

Edward: They were my moms !

Emmett: Whatever, Just start your fucking engine pansy.

Edward: That wasn't very nice--starts engine--

--Riding along nicely then, Emmett runs and Bumps the lawnmower, And all Edward beanie babies fall forward in frotn of the lawn mower and it all happened so fast the Edward didn't have time to stop the engine, All that he could see what Flying fluff and Beans...--

Edward: **NOO!! ** How could you Emmett !!

Emmett: Oh, Their just dolls. Suck it up.

Edward: No, That _Reallyy_ Hurt my feelings. --Starts silently dry sobbing--

Emmett: Are you crying ?

Edward: ... N-n-no...

Emmett: Ahh Dude. I'm sorry.

Edward: Oh Shut up ! It's not over ! Stapler gun fight !! --Pulls out staple gun--

Emmett: Good luck putting Metal through Granite !

Edward: Good Luck being a douche bag!

--There is a big battle, Edward gets a few Nails into Emmett's head and Emmett Toss's Sea Glass homemade one of a kind Ash trays that Esme got in spain at the Coaster Depot--

--Flash back--

Esme: Dear? Where are we ?

Carlisle: We are at Bottle Depot Honey.

Esme: Why?

Carlisle: Cas I left my Cheetah print thong here.

Esme: What Was that dear?

Carlisle: I Said I must Meet'a The Princes Mom.

Esme: Oh I see.

--Carlisle Knocks on the Door

Some guy opens the door with Kiss playing in the back round in a spedo--

Random guy: **Welcome to the Jungle baby !!**

Carlisle: Dammit Prince of Guitar Hero ! Not now !

--End Flash back--

Esme: **EMMETT !!** ** WHERE ARE MY ASH TRAYS !!**

Emmett: Why you don't smoke ?

Esme: Those were priceless arifacts Hand blow by The Prince of guitar Hero

Emmett: --Bursts Out Laughing-- Oh I bet they were !!

Jasper: --Screams like a girl-- Alice !! I'm Stuck.

**A/N: ** Yeah I know that wasn't great. Ahh... I am SOO BORED !! Oh I have a new one for you Mrs,EdwardMasenCullen !! Bill Gates,

The Miscrosoft start Menu, Smog, Chimmney Sweeps and Chandler Bing --From Friends-- ACTION! !!


	42. 42 Couples Counseling

**A/N:** I know, I know, I realize I haven't written in a while but my mom had the baby and it has been really exciting around here. It is a girl and Her name is Kamryn.

--In a small room with brown walls. And one leather couch in Front of a desk. Thats right... Couples Counseling--

--Rosalie and Emmett--

Me: So ... Rosalie, Emmett What brings you here today ?

Emmett: I don't know, I have been having mized emotions lately...

Rosalie: Hmm... Really now. I wouldn't have guessed

Me: What do you mean ? Lets opne up on this subject.

Emmett: Well Lately I haven't really been into.. having sex.

Rosalie: Which Is a problem for me. I just don't get it.

Me: What changed Emmett

Emmett:I...I...Can't say..

Rosalie: Say What you gotta say fuck-tard!

Me: Rosalie!!! Please calm down. we are in a judge free environment. Continue with what you have to say Emmett.

Emmett: Well... No offence Rose but... You've gained some weight,,,

Rosalie: ---Long Silence followed by Death stare--

Emmett: I told you, you didn't want to hear it.

Rosalie: I CAN"T GAIN WEIGHT !!! I DON"T EAT !!!

Me: Emmett... Is this really about Rose's Weight ? Or is it something to do with you ?

Rosalie: Umm Yeah actually it is... Don't think that I didn't see you on inter-active Male !!!

Emmett: Rose, If you really loved me you would be happy I found something that makes me Haooy.

Rosalie:I Don't even know why I am Married to him ! I'm sorry but the only thing that we Have in common is the Fact that we both like men.

Emmett: Well I'm sorry that I liek Penis's and It's pretty damn disappointing that you don't have one !!!

Rosalie: I AM PROUD OF MY VAJAYJAY!!!!

Me: Err.... Times Up ....

--Alice and Jasper---

Me: Well Hello, Nice to see you all. How are things in your relationship?

Jasper: Umm. I can't think of anything can you Hun ?

Alice: Well, I Don't know.. It's Just... Such a small thing there is no seeing in making a big deal of it.

Me:Alice, an Honest relationship is a healthy relationship.

Jasper: Yes baby, I'm here to listen to your concerns I want our marriage to thrive peacfully.

Alice: Okay Well... the Other Morning... Well You didn't kiss me the way you usually do in the morning. you usually say "Good Morning Sweetie" And Kiss my cheed and You didn't.

Jasper: Oh! Well Then...--Leans in And kissed her romantically on the cheek stares into her eyes for a while then whispers in her ear "Good Morning Sweetie"--

Alice: Well Thanks for that Jasper but you Still forgot

Jasper: But...

Alice: It`s not a big deal but it still left a hole in my Heart. No, Not a big Hole, No Crazy ass warp Holes that sucks in my whole chest like Balla Had. Nope. Just a tiny pin prick. A Push pin. A thumb tack. But I still think that that hole is going to need a band-aid. And Do you know what that band-aid is Jasper? An Apoplogy. No, I don't need a hour long speech. Just a quick "sorry" Fixer upper. Not one of those HUGE Band-aids where your like "How am I ever going to get a cut that big that a band-aid is going to fix?"

Jasper: ..... I'm Sorry.....

Alice: See? Was that so Hard. Thank You. Band-aid in Place.

Me: Wow...

--Esme and Carlisle with scarily big smiles on their faces.---

Me: ... Your not going to be needing my help are you ?

--the Happy Coupple continue to stare into each others eyes.--

Me: Nah...

--Bella and Edward:--

Me: Soo... Why deosn't Edward Lead us in conversation?

Edward: I am the one with the problem in this relationship. I am always putting her safety first but she always almost ends up dying.

Bella: You know I love you Edward. And we both don't have those problems anymore remember ? I am immortal.

--they both Smile---

Me: So How about you Bella

Bella: Edward... I was just wondering.. Could you tell me this... did it actually break or did you just not put a condom on at all.

Edward: What ! No I didn't put one on! I didn't think I could get anyone pregnant.

Bella: FREAKIN IDIOT !!! Why not ? You have been taught about this in health for how long ? 100 years? More ?

Edward: Why didn't you bring any protection.

Bella: Because I didn't think Anything would be coming out, If you know what I mean!

Edward: I'm Sorry !!! At Least I didn't cheat on you less than 2 days after we got engaged.

Bella: You know I loved him to ! You Forgave me !

Edward:You Cheated on your daughters father with Her Soul mate ! And Your Son-In-Law !!!

Bella: It wasn't at the time !

Edward: That doesn't change the past !

Bella: I am sorry for yelling at you like that. It was the greatest mistake of all times.

Edward: I agree. And I am not mad at you for cheating on me, And your not a whore for hooking up with your son.

Bella: You didn't call me a whore.

Edward: Well That changes things.

Bella: Indeed,

Edward: Want to go have un-protected crazy vampire sex?

Bella: Sure !

Me: Yeah, Who said time was up ! Pfftt. I am _sooo_ charging you for the full hour.

**A/N: **Thanks for my previeous Reveiwers !!! Remeber to reveiw again. I you all to go read and Reveiw 's Story "Bite Me" It's filled with punishing sarcasm, Interesting In-uendo's and Halarious randomness. She hasen't posted recently and I don't want her to get discouraged she is an amazing writter. I think we should share the love. And Reveiws for me to =)


	43. 43 Finally! She's up the Spout!

**A/N:** Please accept my apologies Random Conversations fans. I havn't written in a while I know. Maybe if I got a few more reveiws *cough* *cough*! fyi, I'm jewish, so it's okay. You'll understand when you read the chapter.

--the Cullen living room, flash back to book 2 of Breaking Dawn, When Carlisle is on the phone with Bella when she thinks she is pregnant. Alice, Emmet, Jasper and Rosalie are sitting in the living room and Carlisle is in the kitchen talking to Bella on the phone--

Emmett: What is Carlisle talking about?

Rosalie: It sounds like he is trying to educate Edward about how to put it in

Jasper: No, thats already taken care of, I told him all the details he need to know before he left for

the honeymoon.

Emmett: Oh baby jesus.

Alice: I'm sorry what did you just say ?

Emmett: Baby Jesus. Do you have a problem with that.

Alice: Some people are religious. God, Mind your manners, you Jew.

Jasper: ALICE!!! I AM JEWISH!

Alice: Shut the fuck up Jasper, Nobody is talking to you.

Emmett: Yeah, I said Baby Jesus deal with it.

Alice: Where did you get that from??

Emmett: (Sings) I want a little Ugh, Baby Jesus, I want a little Ugh, Sexy Jesus, I want a little Ugh,

Baby Jesus, (fading out) Sexy jesus, jesus, jesus, jesus.....

Alice: Oh dear.

Rosalie: Emmett, we need to talk....

--Carlisle walks in--

Jasper:What the hell were you guys talking about.

Rosalie:Were you trying to give him instructions?

Jasper: I told you I already covered that!

Carlisle: Umm... I don't know how to say this but.... Bella's Up the Spout.

Emmett: YES!!! I KNEW IT !!! FUCK YEAH!!!

Alice: HIGH FIVE!!!

Emmett: BOO YEAH!!!

Alice: Fuck, Finally some excitment around here! Jesus!

Emmett: Jasper, You owe me five bucks.

Jasper: Damn it.

Alice: How does Edward feel about Bell's losing her V-Card to Dog?

Emmett: Betch'a they did it doggy style.

Rosalie: Ugh, Nobody wants that picture in there head.

Carlisle: See, Thats the thing.... Bella didn't cheat on Edward.

Rosalie:OH HELLZ YEAH!!!

Emmett: Say fuck what?!

Rosalie: 5 bucks Jasper, Lay it on me man!

Alice: I do _not_ see how I did _not_ see that.

Jasper: What kind of psycic are you?

Emmett: I am never going on a bet with you again you pathetic whore.

Alice: I May be a whore, but don't you dare call me pathetic.

Jasper: Umm Alice, Care to explain?

Alice: Well, It's kind of a long story.

Rosalie: No it is not! That is a lie!

Alice: Fine, I did some favors for J Jenks and I got some money for it. No big deal.

Rosalie: She also does birthday parties.

Jasper: I so didn't need to know about that Alice.

Alice: I'll do you for free though

Jasper: Thats what i'm talking about! Get your cute little vampiric ass over here!

--There start making out--

Carlisle: That that right there --pointing to Alice and Jasper-- is the reason, Bella is pregnant.

Emmett:... Alice and Jasper are the reason she is pregnant?

Carlisle: What? No!

Emmett: Well i'm sorry your going to have to elaborate further when you say things like that.

Rosalie: So is she going to take care of the problem?

Carlisle: I don't know...

--Esme Pops out of nowhere---

Esme: Rosalie, Could you please hold this large and heavy antique desk that would shatter

instantly if you dropped it?

Rosalie: Yeah no problem mom.

--Roses phone rings--

Rosalie: Bella? Yeah I can talk.

--Drops Desk. It doesn't shatter.--

Alice: Oh, Jasper!

--Alice and Jasper fall down onto the desk causing it to shatter.--

**A/N:** Hehe, Read and Reveiw PLEASE!!! I miss you guys :)


	44. 44 Epic Battles of Forks High

**A/N: **Thank you to my TWO Reveiwers.... Wow you guys. I know that you can do better than that. Because I have an actual NOVEL that I am working on... So I could go visit that for a while.

**Epic Battles of Forks High School**

Flash back to last month of school.

--In the school. Emmett and Mike are having an epic battle in the hallway standing by a set of lockers. Emmett is playing with Tylers lock--

Emmett: --To himself-- Fuck, whats the combo!? I need to steal his homework. Oh! Tyler would

know his own lock combination! I'll just ask him. --To you guys!-- I know what you are thinking.

Why not just ask him If I can borrow his homework instead of going to all the trouble? It's

obviously not as fun doing homework without the feeling of danger inside you. Knowing that on

monday if you don't return the work to the locker quickly and early enough, you could get in

trouble and then you would get spanked....and whipped... and forced to wear leather pants and a

studded collar... Mmmmm....

--Tyler and Mike walk down the hallway--

Emmett: Hey Tyler! Whats your locker combination?

Mike: He doesn't want to talk to you.

Emmett: Did I fucking ask for your opinoin Newton? I don't think so. So shut the fuck up. Nobody

cares what you think, your friends don't even. You are an asshole now and you will still be an

asshole tomorrow. You are a gay bastard with fucked up hair so just shut your fucking mouth you

face fucker!

Mike: --Mouth open--

Emmett: I'm sorry. That was rude. It must be difficult to live with all that sexual confusion. Just to

let you know Mike? That I will still accept you when you come out of the closet. You have people

to help you through all your tough times. Your friends might make fun of you and insult you and

call you words such as "Faggot" and "Homo" And "Man Pussy" But you know what? I won't. Do

you want to know why? Because I am a good friend. And I don't abandon friends.

Mike:... Your right.

Emmett: Oh shit! Umm... er... I was just kidding. Once the homo's come out thats when I jet.

Mike: YOU SAID YOU WOULD STAY!!! FOREVER!!!!

--Angela and Alice in French class. They sit at the back of the class. Jasper sits directly infront of them. He keeps turning around and talking to them--

Angela: Hahaha! Your right!

Alice: Ray Romano _does_ look like a flamingo from the side!

Jasper: I know!

Alice: Hey Jaspikinz?

Jasper: Yes?

Alice: Would you ever resort to canabalism?

Angela:Eww! Thats my worst fear did you know? Canables... Scary.

Jasper: No, Thats discusting... That finger... looks _soo _good.

Angela: What!?

Jasper: I am dead serious.

Alice: Would you rather him drink your blood or eat your finger?

Angela: Drink my blood! Blood comes back, fingers don't.

Jasper: A tempting offer I must say, but I would preffer the finger.

Alice: --giggles--

---They turn back to do their work, they do bingo in french--

Jasper: BA-ZING!!! I GOT A BINGO!! PHA-KINK!

Alice: Finally, Jesus.

Angela: You deserve a prize.

Jasper: Maybe an earlobe?

Alice: Whats for desert?

Jasper: Nose.

--At the lunch Table--

Bella: Guys, I want some yum yums

Edward: Bella?! You have the munchies! Are you high?

Bella: No Edward. I am not. My suppllier cut me off.

Edward: And who would that be.

Bella: My sources remain nameless.

Edward: I'll get it out of you somehow... someway.

Alice: Emmett? Why does Mike keep smiling when he looks at you?

Emmett: Ugh, Shit happens. Shit happens.

Rosalie: Jasper, may I ask you why you have writing on your arms?

Jasper: I'd rather not explain.

Edward: What does it say?

Jasper: It's embarassing.

Alice: It says "Alice's Bitch!"

Bella: Nice ! High five!

Rosalie: That is pretty genius. I must admit.

Alice: Fuck rights. Your my bitch now.

Jasper: Whenever you want it baby. --Tears stream down his face--

Alice: I told him to say that.

Emmett: Dude, does she like beat you?

Jasper: Bruises fade... Memory doesn't... It never does...

**A/N:** More reveiws please! Don't make me Sic Gumby on your Ass!!! I swear I will...


	45. 45 Trip to WalMart

**A/N:** Okay, for this one, I am using the "Official" What to do at Wal-Mart When your bored List. You can google it for the full list.

Here you go!

--Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Esme In Wal-Mart--

Esme: Now, You kids be good, I have some shopping to do. I'll be back to pick you up in 2 hours. Do you think you can do that without getting into trouble?

Everyone: Yes Mom.

Esme: Okay, sounds good.

--She walkes away--

Jasper: Okay, What did she say?

Alice: I don't know. I wasn't even listening.

Emmett: Want to cause Mayhem?

Both: Okay!

--Emmett Snags a bag of M&M's And walks up to the counter.--

Emmett:Top of the morning to you my good sir.

Cashier: I'm a woman.

Emmett: Right. Would you be so kind as to put this bag of M&M's on Lay away?

Cashier: Erm...

Emmett: Here's the first payment. --Hands her 2 quaters--

Cashier: I'm not sure if i'm allowed to....

Emmett: And heres a tip for all your trouble --Wink's Slyly.--

Cashier: A Nickel?

Emmett: Don't spend it all in one place sweet cheeks.

--Alice is walking quietly behind a large man. He is very ... Fat, for lack of better wording.--

Man: Hmm, I have the strangest feeling someone is following me...

Alice: --Giggles--

Man: I here you!

Alice: --Silent--

Man: Hmm... -Continues walking--

Alice: --Snickers--

Man: _Stooppp ittt!_

--Man turns around. Alice smiles sweetly--

Man: By God! I am being followed by a midgit!

Alice: Say what? You know what? I was just trying to have a bit of fun. I wasn't even going to mention your insane amount of fat. Fatass.

Man: I didn't know Garden gnomes talked.

---Jasper Pops out of nowhere--

Jasper: What did you just say to my girl?

Man: --Starts to Hyperventilate--

Jasper: What? Just not going to say anything? Be a man. Face your shit. Be an adult.

--Emmett Comes out of nowhere, aswell.--

Emmett: Why choo Been clownin wid my dawg bro?

Man: --Face gets red--

Emmett: You just not going to talk? Yeah that's cool. _Real_ mature.

--Man faint's and falls to the ground.--

Alice: Run away.

--Jasper, Walks up to an employee.--

Employee: May I help you sir?

Jasper: I was just uhh.... Wondering when you were getting thee uh.... --Sniffs-- Stuff..

Employee: I'm not sure I understand what you are getting at..

Jasper: You know... The _"Shipment"_ ? From .. You know...

Employee: I'm sorry, what product is it your looking for?

Jasper: Err, I wasn't supposed to say this but umm... The _Coke?_ Your _"Manager"_ Told me it was going down in this aisle... So...

Employee: Umm... Uhh.... Err... What aisle are you looking for?

Jasper: 16.

Employee: This is aisle 11.

Jasper: Oh.... See that would be the problem. Thank you for your help sir...

Employee: Wait! Will you pick me up some?

Jasper: Uh.. I go to go.

--Emmett is staring straight at the greeter person--

Greeter: May I help you sir?

Emmett: Why can't you people just leave me alone!

--Announcement goes on over the P.A.---

Emmett: NO! NO! NO! NO! IT"S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

--Alice is in the hunting department and is helding a large gun--

Clerk: Yep, this baby can get someone from as far as 200 miles!

Alice: Hmm.. Thats pretty good.

Clerk: You bet your bottom it's good!

Alice: But how much does it cost?

Clerk: About $3,000...

Alice: Oh... well... Price doesn't really matter anymore...

Clerk: Oh?

Alice: Hmm, before I buy this, will you please tell me where I could purchase Anti-depressents?

Clerk: Umm...

Alice: Your right... Nobody cares anymore... nobody _ever_ cares...

--Jasper goes into a fitting room--

Jasper:.... umm.... err.... uhh... Excuse me?

Person in changing room next to him: What?

Jasper: Could you spare a square?

Person: What?!

Employee: Sir, Do you need any help in there?

Jasper: There's no toilet paper in here!

--Emmett walks up to Manager and says in an extremely serious tone:--

Emmett: Code 3 Sir. In Houseware

Manager: Your sure?

Emmett: Absolutely.

--Manager on walkie talkie--

Manager: Code three in house wares. Over.

Person: Seriously? Someone painted frowny faces on all the golden spoons? Over.

Manager: .

Person: Begin Lockdown. Over.

Manager: Affirimitive. Over.

Emmett: Oh shit.... --Books his ass away from there!--

_Sirens start to whale and the lights get turned off_

--Jasper un-wraps a toy gun. He finds a man who looks about 40 and presses the gun against his back--

Jasper: _Empty your wallet._

Man: No

Jasper:_ Hey man, I'm giving you an easy way out here, don't make this hard._

Man: --He slowly opens his wallet, he hands Jasper a twenty--

Jasper: _All of it! Don't make me pull this trigger_

Man: Why are you doing this to me?

Jasper:_People do crazy shit. Empty the wallet!_

Man: --Empties all of his wallet into Jaspers other hand--

Jasper: _Alright now Scram!_

--Man runs away Jasper counts his money, he has about $60.--

Jasper: _All_right!!! This is ganna get me a new set of Bablades !!!

--Esme picks up Alice Jasper and Emmett--

Esme: So what did you kids do?

Alice: Nothing.

Fat man: How come you haven't called anybody!

Emmett: Shutup fat ass!

**A/N:** Hahaha, Like I said, if anyone wants to read the full list of it, google it and click on the first one. Oh! And could you do me one more thing, you fantastic fans? Read my new story "The Domino Effect" Please! and Reveiw it. I promise it gets better than the first couple Chapters. Please. **REVEIW!!!**


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